"I've got to find that fire that defined me once so well." -GOOD RIDDANCE

NEW BLOG!!!

2009-03-28T10:47:00.001-07:00

hey everyone. i as feeling a lack of motivation to update this blog, so i thought a new one might spur me on to better things. or at least to write more. it'll still be crap, mostly. but you should come read it anyway. i'm going to blog much more often from here on out! hope to see you over there.

check it out here.

dana-pt. 3

2009-02-19T23:20:00.000-08:00

it turned out he had a warrant out for his arrest for months, even before i met him. i had always wanted to be part of an organized crime ring, but this was a little low brow. he had been caught (what else...) stealing and had skipped his trial date. so now he was in prison. he was past the point of asking me for favors. he said he called me because he didn't have anyone else's number.

visiting someone in prison is intimidating, to say the least. barbed wire fence everywhere, ring a buzzer to get in the front door, get frisked before you sign in, get your bags checked thoroughly (they wouldn't let me bring him a bible, i still don't know why), then you are led up a staircase to a room filled with chairs on either side of a glass partition, just like you see on the movies. i sat down, not really sure what i was supposed to say. i had heard stories of my dad visiting a guy who had tried to kill his wife in prison. i admired my dad for that, and i wanted to be that kind of person, but to be honest, i just really didn't feel like it. i couldn't get out of there soon enough. we made small talk for a few minutes, and pretty soon the conversation flowed like it did when i first met him. he assured me that this set him straight. he was in jail for three months, and had lots of time to think, so i tended to believe him. i left feeling a deep sadness. there was nothing redemptive about this place. it's hard to believe that anything good could come out of jail. it's no wonder 66% of criminals end up reoffending.

i'd like to say i was a faithful friend. i'd like to say i went to visit dana every day. i'd like to say all those things. but i didn't. prison scared me. and i didn't want to be responsible for dana when he got out. i couldn't handle that pressure. sure enough, he got out of jail, and showed up at Blessings to say hello. it was the first time i had seen him clean shaven, in a clean dress shirt and khakis.

"can i ask one more favor of you, Blair?" he asked. i was worried where he was going with this. i had no desire to get more deeply involved with dana. part of it was because i wanted to protect myself. but most of it was because i was selfish. i didn't want to give my time. i didn't want to give my energy. i didn't want to go out of my comfort zone. i just didn't want to. but in this circumstance, all he wanted was a ride to his mother's house. so i took him. on the drive he apologized to me for putting me in awkward situations. he thanked me for helping him. and i felt nothing but shame. here was this broken and humbled man. this man who i was supposedly helping yet i couldn't wait to be away from him. shame. for how i had given up on him. how i had grown to resent him. how i hadn't yet forgiven for the awkward situations he had put me through. broken and humble. seeking forgiveness. of course, i said i forgave him, although i still harbored some resentment in that moment because i figured he'd be back tomorrow to do it again.

that day, i dropped him off and we said goodbye, and he never came back. i wondered where he was, and maybe could have found him if i really sought him out. but my fear got the better of me. it was easier to move on and forget. ignore the shame of giving up on someone. pretend to be holy when you were really acting out of self-interest. i am thankful for my time with dana, because he has made me a better person. i pray that i will not give up on people so easily. i pray that I will be as humble and broken as Dana was so that God can use me for whatever he wants. i pray that God will continue to use a broken person like me to show Jesus to the world, even when I continue to be shallow and self-serving. i pray that God will give me a chance at redemption, will bring another dana into my life. i will not give up so easily this time. here is the gospel as i know it.

Matthew 25:34-40
34 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' 40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

poor peoples bank

2009-02-17T08:03:00.000-08:00

dana-pt. 2

2009-02-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

i wasn't sure how to feel. while we weren't close, i felt betrayed. he came into my store and tried to take what wasn't his. i had stolen many times in my past. in fact, it was quite the habit in high school. we would often go to the mall just to see how much crap we could shove in our pockets without getting caught. so i wasn't judging him. i was hurt and angry. and i couldn't just let him walk away.

i walked quietly through the front doors so that he wouldn't hear me coming behind him. he was already half a block away and looking back at me. so much for the element of surprise. i expected to be in for a chase. but he stood there. staring at me, with a sad look on his face.

"what's up?" he asked as i approached, half-heartedly hoping i had simply forgotten to pass on a message.
"what's in your coat, dana?" i asked, figuring there was no sense beating around the bush, and i wasn't about to frisk him.

once i looked closer, you could see the object clearly, it was bulky and heavy, a very strange choice when stealing. i mean, i would have gone for the "Test-A-Mints" myself. did you know they contain pure, unfiltered truth from God? anyway, he didn't protest or fight the accusation. he simply pulled out...a snowglobe. this added to the strangeness of the whole thing. i assumed he was hoping to pawn it off for a couple bucks and it was the only thing he could grab with no one noticing. of all the stupid things, a snowglobe was what he took. i had stolen stupid things too. a 66 of whiskey from a chinese restaurant (don't ask), tester cologne from walmart, a toonie from tyler laycock's window sill. sorry tyler. i could see three or four people staring at us out the window of the store, so i decided not to take him back there. instead we went to taco time. what better way to confront a thief than over a couple steaming hot tacos.

we worked things out that night. he promised not to steal from the store anymore. we ate our tacos and said goodbye, not really sure what else to say. the snoglobe reclaimed it's rightful place...on the display shelf exploiting some poor old lady who would be foolish enough to waste $35 on it. actually, come to think of it, it's not the snowglobes fault. i was the one exploiting poor old ladies. it's a living...

dana kept showing up for a while, very repentant. he apologized profusely, thankful i didn't turn him in. we kept having coffee together and more awkward conversations. he even told me he wanted to come to my church. being the good christian i am, i thought i had hit the jackpot. christianity is all about saving souls, right? that's another conversation for another time. needless to say, he didn't show up at our meeting place any of the 3 times he said he would come. i started to notice alcohol on his breath once in a while. but i didn't think much of it. lot's of people drink. so what? but then he started asking for money. i have always believed that when someone asks for money, you should give it to them. lots of Christians and rich people will say that you shouldn't, because they will just spend it on booze and smokes. i know lot's of christians who spend their money on more useless things than booze and smokes, like test-a-mints and snowglobes, so i don't tend to take their advice to seriously. so i gave him a few bucks. and every time he came in, the reason for needing money was more extravagant than the last. first, he didn't have food. then he needed to pay for his father's medication. deep down, i knew he was lying. but what could i say? he was a friend. i was his enabler.

the straw that broke the camel's back was when he told me in a drunken stupor he needed $10 to buy tampons for his wife, who according to him was at that moment bleeding profusely. first off, i didn't need to hear that. neither did you, come to think of it. sorry. secondly, HE WAS DIVORCED, and had told me so weeks earlier. things were out of control, and i couldn't be his friend anymore. and i told him that. i told him i was fed up, and that he needed to quit lying to me. if he needed food, i would find him that, but no more money. i still don't buy the excuse that you shouldn't give money to poor people who ask, even going through this. i think that is an excuse for rich people to be greedy and ignore the problem. but i had in front of me someone who was clearly lying and clearly suffering from alcoholism and who knows what else. he apologized once more, and stumbled out the door.

i didn't see dana much after that. until i got a phone call from prison.

dana-pt. 1

2009-01-30T13:51:00.000-08:00

he seemed really out of place, being shorter than me (which is very short) with bright red hair. he stood out in the crowd. not to mention, he walked through the doors of Blessings Christian Marketplace in torn jeans and a dirty old jean jacket wearing work gloves. he looked to me like he was looking for Home Hardware and took a wrong turn.

i noticed him not only for his appearance, though. he didn't take more than 5 steps into the store before i made eye contact with him. he walked straight over to me. we made small talk, and i didn't think much of it. and then he said goodbye and left, never having looked at anything in the store. i thought him a little odd, but enjoyed meeting someone different than the rest of the christian clones who came through the door. who am i kidding...i was one of the christian clones. he came again the next day, and in similar fashion walked straight to the front counter to strike up a chat. i asked if he wanted coffee, and he did, so i went and got him a cup from the back room. he liked it black. i enjoyed meeting new and interesting people, and he was certainly unique. he gave me his business card, which was actually his boss' business card with his name scribbled underneath his boss'. dana was a tree trimmer. he had no wife or children, and his dad lived right across the street. he had an ex-wife. i don't remember much of what we talked about at first. unimportant things, introduction things, i'm sure. he left again, saying he would stop by again sometime. i began to feel excited about this strange friendship. he was about 40 years old and i was only 22, but i felt a connection. we had nothing in common really. i was married, and he wasn't. he was a labourer, and i was in sales. he had life experience, and i was fresh and just figuring out what it meant to live on my own. but still, i felt like there was something important happening.

sure enough, dana showed up the next evening. he was different this time. jumpy. on edge. the store was busy, so i didn't have much time to chat. i told him i'd try and finish up quick and come see him. when things finally calmed down, i saw him walking out the door. he waved and said goodbye, and i could see him sweating uncomfortably, which was strange on a cold evening. i shrugged and went to help someone else. an elderly lady walked through the door telling me a thief was walking away with something in his coat. dana was the only person who had left.

where i've been

2009-01-06T07:52:00.000-08:00

it was one of the most intense discussions of my life. it could change everything for the better if we all valued each other and were open to something new. it could destroy our close knit relationships if we decided to not hear each other out. the things we said now could have a significant impact on our relationships in the future. words were chosen carefully, but it was clear where everyone stood. bombshells were dropped, anger rose to the surface, tears were shed. we were standing on the precipice. one wrong step would hurt any chance we had of this meaning anything at all. one wrong step would hurt the people we loved the most. one wrong step...but that step never came. love prevailed.

we listened to each other. we cried together. while we were angry, it was always rooted in the knowledge that we loved each other very much. and we prayed together. rarely have i been a part of something that felt so significant. real christian fellowship. love for each other. intense disagreements. brought together by our one common goal. our Savior. if Jesus was not at the center of this conversation, we could not leave still loving each other. Jesus held us together despite our differences. and i am more and more convinced that this is a significant part of what real christian community looks like. crying together, praying together, loving each other, being angry with each other, being honest with each other, being connected to one another through God's love. too often, we are content with our shallow discourse. most importantly, it changed us. it made us re-evaluate why we believed what we did. it forced us all to not be content to just sit and be satisfied with where we were. we pushed each other forward. toward a better understanding of God. we pushed each other towards action. i am thankful for this conversation. the church needs more of these conversations.

keep the good times rollin'...

2008-12-03T13:10:00.000-08:00

it takes me about 10 minutes to drive from my house to work. on the way there are several things i've noticed lately.

there are 3 robin's donuts. 2 burger kings. 2 mcdonald's, 4 gas stations, not to mention a jumbo sized shopping mall with everything you could want inside.

let's look on a larger scale. in the city of regina, it takes no longer than 15 minutes to get anywhere. there are 7 tim horton's, 8 robin's donuts, 9 mcdonald's, 3 walmarts, 4 different malls, hundreds of gas stations, many more fast food restaurants, etc, etc, etc...

what's my point? this isn't to rail against the corporations, although i do have some high criticisms of them. but it is a reality of the culture we live in. they are simply providing a service and trying to meet the demands of the people.

my criticism is towards me and you and everyone in our western society. our culture of consumerism has swallowed us up in convenience. if it takes more than a few minutes to get there, it's not worth going to. all because the consumer is king. on every corner there is a new fast food restaurant, a new gas station, a new billboard telling you about the new locations opened nearest to you for your convenience. a corner store on every street. dozen's of video stores. and what is it we are selling our soul to? fatty foods, crappy movies, sub-par coffee...it's mostly garbage, but we don't only want it, we feel as if we need it.

i know we can't just shut them all down. i know they create jobs for people and that's a good thing. i don't have a big conclusion or answer to the problem of our greed. i just know we have a problem. we have a problem that says when we need something and we don't get it soon, then we are gonna snap. and i don't think followers of God should be caught up in this system. i am stuck, and i don't know how to get out. where do we draw the line? how can we not be slaves to this system?

the end of MEANS

2008-11-26T11:58:00.000-08:00

on friday, a piece of me will die. something that has been so significant in my growth as an individual will not be there for me to lean on. MEANS is calling it quits after 7 years. so many memories.

playing MXPX cover songs and teenage supermodel in the common room at wcc, my eyes transfixed on my bass guitar for fear of missing a note. 20 of our best friends in the world shouting their support, regardless of how lame we were. pushing boundaries that now seem ridiculous. fighting for our right to play. my brother pete, our biggest fan. our first official show. 341 productions presentation with OE, 71 Gaps (jess, james and derek), Neighborhood Watch and MEANS2ANEND! the excitement. the possibility. the clash with DRCSS. making friends with DRCSS. flyers on windshields followed by complaints. allied arts center. old fire hall. western's auditorium. student center. a new and growing music scene. jamming in the basement of mom's house, aaron's mom's house, the dorm. stupid trains pissing me off at 7 in the morning, thanks a lot jess. coffee with derek and jess. watching movies with aaron, "KUNG POW 4 LIFE!." thanks ben for making fun of how much butter i put in kraft dinner. pancakes the next morning. bringing Every New Day & Goodsampark to dauphin. recording in the barn with derek. recording in russell at a goofy guys house. recording in redvers. "if anyone thinks he is something...", in my pre-pubescent voice. recording with kelly martin and becoming george bush's wet dream. the last dauphin show before we moved to regina. the small town feel and music that brought us together.

road trips to winnipeg with dave, the shell gas guy. road trips to regina with supportive friends and shows with only 10 people. road trip to providence, thanks for the snow storm eder. crappy winnipeg church shows, no offense winnipeg. grafton, ND with H and Dead Poetic. not to mention eating gravy and ketchup on bread with jeff h. borrowing mom's station wagon. driving miss judy. road trips. where i found myself. where i found friendship. where i had the best conversations. where i heard the funniest jokes. al pacino? aaron, will you ever drive? jamming with goodsampark, best friends in the world, jeremy, kris, peter and ricky. new places. fresh faces. buffalo lounge, the best venue ever. moose jaw, what's with all the dead animals on the wall? ontario trip that almost ruined my friendship, i was such an a-hole, sorry about that aaron! staying in carlyle, thanks for letting me raid your fridge, shelby! playing the tuba at 4 am. dragging my beautiful wife to see shows she could care less about, but loved me enough to support me. the excitement of new songs and new directions. moving to regina. new scene and new challenges. new friends. too many to name.

parting ways to start my family. the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i am sincerely thankful that dylan and todd helped means live on a few years longer.

music saved my life. MEANS saved my life. i am thankful to have been a part of this.

as lame as it gets

2008-11-25T10:58:00.000-08:00

beautiful moments

2008-11-21T09:30:00.000-08:00

the last 3 days have given me one of the greatest memories i will ever have.

the last couple days, my beautiful daughter, Makena, has ended up sleeping in our bed. she's had a couple nightmares, and it seems to calm her down. the last three mornings have gone like this...

i wake up and see my beautiful little girl next to me. and i can't seem to fall back asleep, because i just can't take my eyes off of her. soon after, she slowly starts to wake up, but she rolls close and cuddles up to me. she likes to put her hand on my cheek to make sure my face is right in front of hers. then she slowly closes her eyes, and rests knowing she is safe with me. and i can't quit staring. so i tuck her in again to keep her warm and i get about 10 minutes of quiet just resting with my beautiful little girl. then out of nowhere, with her eyes still closed, she starts talking a mile a minute about dora and princesses and ponies. her eyes open up and a smile creeps onto her cute little face. then she leans over and gives me a big hug and crawls out of bed.

December 1st will mark Makena's third birthday. i can't believe how fast she has grown up. she has the beauty of her mother and the attitude of her father, which is scary in more ways than one. but for now, i will hold on to these moments she has given me, and i will never forget how special my little girl is to me. happy birthday, Makena Grace!

post 2 of 2-read last post before this

2008-11-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

i am getting very tired of this sentiment. luckily, i think most christians are changing their views on caring for the environment. there was a time not long ago where most christians would tell you that the world will end one day so why bother caring for her?

these people are so misguided it makes me sick. that may sound arrogant, and if so, then i apologize for my arrogance. but i will not apologize for confronting the idiocy that says we can use, destroy, and waste the world's resources because..."God gave us the earth, so we might as well." and don't forget the ever popular, 'the sooner the world falls apart, the sooner Jesus will come back!"

i am glad christians are beginning to stand up for the planet God gave us to care for. while we were given the earth to rule over, these people are forgetting what that kind of leadership looks like. God gave us the earth to rule over it, in the same way that he rules over us. at youth group last night, we read matthew 20:20-28, and while Jesus is not speaking about the environment, i think we can glean the same principle for this topic. the rulers of the Gentiles lord their authority over them, but that is not how followers of Jesus are to be. we are to be a different set of rulers. we are to be rulers like Jesus. we are to care for creation, in the same way that we believe God cares for his creation, us.

the topic of climate change has sort of fallen into the background with the faltering economy, but it is my sincere hope that followers of Christ will never stop caring for the world that has been entrusted to us. i am a hypocrite in many ways, as i don't recycle all the time, and am very wasteful at times. but i am trying to change for the better. and i pray that the church will do this as well.

post 1 of 2-i hesitate to even share this...

2008-11-18T09:18:00.000-08:00

This a letter one of the students at OC sent to the editor of the schools newspaper...

Letter to the Editor
By Special to Opinions

By: Drew Sandlin

I recently received an email asking me to fill out a survey evaluating the campus recycling program. I generally discard emails of this nature, and as I was doing so a thought occurred to me: “Why are we so concerned about recycling or how green our campus is?”

Over the past few weeks, there’s been some hubbub over how environmentally friendly our campus is, and how much energy each student here uses. To be quite honest, I find it a bit disturbing.

I don’t know if we’ve thought about consulting God’s word on this subject, but it has some interesting things to say about our relationship with the earth. Since God created it, it’s only fair to see what he planned for us to do with it.

In Genesis chapter 1:26, God clearly puts man in charge of the earth: “…and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth.”

If God gave us rule over the earth, there is absolutely no need to “save” anything.

I find this whole “Green” movement dangerously secular in nature. Romans 1:25 reads: “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator.”

I wonder how many students at Oklahoma Christian University feel a greater obligation to the doctrine of “recycling” or “save the earth” than they do to the doctrine of baptism? I hope that they are few and far between.

The fact of the matter is this, and this simply: this earth is just a temporary house that we humans will live in for a little while until God burns it all up. There is no point in trying to save it.

I realize that all of this is terribly politically incorrect. To be fair, recycling, if it is cost effective and done to keep our campus clean or to make a few dollars here and there for a good cause, is not a bad thing.

I’m not trying to say that it’s okay to litter, and that picking up trash on the ground is a sin. It becomes a bad thing when we let it eclipse the real work that God has put us here to do.

We need to stop trying to “save the planet” and start worshipping the God that created it. Can you imagine how much more effective we as Christians could be if we stopped wasting our time trying to be “green” and started doing some real work for God?

Why not take the resources that are being used to see how “green” our campus is through surveys and polls and allocate them for the Wishing Well program? I can think of many other ways to use our time and resources in a better fashion.

I hope that we haven’t forgotten what our real purpose here on earth is. It’s not making sure that there isn’t a pop can lying on the ground around the corner. And it’s most certainly not the saving of trees; it’s the saving of souls.

We need to get out there and do some purposeful work in this life; something that we can be proud of when we stand before God on Judgment Day.

God cares more about the lost than he does about the 2% rise in carbon emissions last year.
Let us never forget that. I hope that we will never, ever be found guilty of exchanging the truth of God for a lie.

famous quotes

2008-11-14T22:38:00.000-08:00

most christian parents brag about their child's first prayer, or the first time their child understood who God is...
from the mouth of makena grace...

a few months ago...

missy asks, "Makena, can you say, 'I love Jesus?'"
makena's response..."I LOVE CHOCOLATE!"

and tonight...

"Makena, can we pray to Jesus before bed?"
after about 10 seconds of careful thought and consideration in a calm and polite voice...
"...no...no."

some youth minister i am. my own child is an atheist. or maybe agnostic.

In Remembrance...

2008-11-11T09:45:00.000-08:00

as someone who is outspoken against war, today brings mixed emotions for me.

i used to be more judgmental in my criticisms of this day because i figured that anyone who celebrated it was pro-war. i realize now that the world is not so black and white. today is a day to remember. with my limited years, i have only seen canadians involved in one war, afghanistan. but today, watching men and women who fought in afghanistan, men and women who participated in peace keeping missions around the world, those who fought in korea, men who fought in WW2, and the one remaining 108 year old man who fought in WW1, i felt a deep sorrow for those who have lost their lives. men and women, who lost their lives fighting for something they believed in. fighting for something bigger than themselves. fighting for their children. fighting for me, and for my children.

we can debate all we want whether or not a war is just. i still believe that war is not the answer to the world's problems, and i still believe we need to have those debates. but i can no longer discount the men and women who have given their lives for something they believed in. and even when they don't believe in the war or the politicians that started it, they still willingly step into the line of fire for a cause greater than themselves. that is more than i have ever done in my life. and because they are willing to do that, i am grateful. and i will honor them, regardless of my political & religious beliefs. today, i will remember.

a new day

2008-11-05T08:20:00.000-08:00

while i would never admit to watching her show...cough, cough...i think Oprah said it best.

"It feels like hope won. It feels like there's a shift in consciousness. It feels like something really big and bold has happened here, like nothing ever in our lifetimes did we expect this to happen."

something big has happened. we don't know all the implications of this yet. but hope has won. a new day has arrived. people can start to believe again. americans can believe their president will listen to them once more. americans can believe their president will fight for them, and not just in wars across the world, but in their cities and towns. americans can believe in something again. it's been so long since anyone has been able to believe in a politician. i am only 25, but looking back over history, there have been few times where this kind of hope has been laid in the hands of someone. there has been little to be grateful for in american politics these past 8 years. and i stress the word little. and hope almost faded. it was barely holding on. but Barack Obama has grabbed a hold of that hope, and shared it with the world. 8 years has felt like a life time, but it's finally here.

it's not just americans who are excited. the world is excited. the world is excited for intelligence and reason and morality to once again be a part of the american superpower. and while i'm not american, this hope has reached across the imaginary line that is our border and swept me off my feet. belief in our leaders has become a rare commodity. it is so rare that the entire world has grabbed a hold of this man from chicago. i don't think Barack Obama is the savior of the world. but i do believe he will make this world a better place. i believe he will stand up for the oppressed, and not just when there is oil involved. i believe he will stand up for the poor. i believe he will narrow the gap between rich and poor. i believe in him. i've never been able to say that about a politician before. but i really do. and i am so glad america has chosen him. it is a new day for the world. and i am thankful.

i hope my daughter will be like this

2008-11-04T12:55:00.000-08:00

thanks strakers for sharing.

a historic day

2008-11-04T12:14:00.000-08:00

the problem with 24 hour news networks is they have taken the steam out of the most historic presidential campaign in many, many years. after 2 years of 24 hour coverage on candidates, flag pins, vague associations, women crying, stupid comments, and talking points beat to death, we are finally here. it is finally the day that the world will change. as a canadian, it hurts the pride a little bit to admit that america affects so much of the world, but that is reality. whoever wins today will set the world on a new path. i don't believe a political leader will save the world from the mess we have made of it, but i do believe they can help. it is exciting to have an opportunity to see someone make real impacting change for the betterment of the world. unfortunately, it's been 8 years since we have had that happen. i'm so glad that today will signal a new era. what if we could start respecting our politicians again? what if we could believe the things they tell us? what if... i can't help but wonder. and i can't help but be excited for the future.

although, late night talk shows won't have as much material to work with once Bush-league isn't president anymore.

a present from my uncle scott

2008-11-02T19:43:00.001-08:00

25 is the new 20

2008-11-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

whatever that means.
i turned 25 yesterday. it was an awesome day. minimal work load+trick or treating+a nice dinner from my wife=me like. i don't know why but 25 feels so much older than 24. not like i actually feel the age. just the sound of 25. 25 feels like adult. 24 felt like young adult. maybe it's because i lost my young adult discount at the gym, but my age is catching up to me. i'm very happy. this isn't a complaint. just an observation.

when i was 24, it felt normal to stay up until 3 in the morning to watch movies once in a while. now, i feel like my ulcer will explode if i'm up past midnight. when i was 24, i felt like i could drive all night to go to a concert and turn around and come back the next morning. now, that sounds like crazy talk, as i'm trying to plan trips to see MEANS on their last tour, i am getting tired just thinking about it. i realized that no matter what, i can't sleep past 9. so going to bed early is becoming increasingly valuable to me. anybody notice anything in common with those three observations? they all have to do with sleep. and every year, i have slowly cut back on the amount i've stayed up late or out all night. 25 years old feels like sleep has become more valuable. maybe it's as simple as that. i'm a cranky old coot now, so you better watch it if i miss my afternoon nap. i suppose i'm not like most 25 year olds. married with 2 kids. most of my friends think i'm nuts, except the ones in the same boat as me. i am nuts. i'm nuts about my beautiful kids. and i'm nuts about my beautiful wife. i love regina, and i'm crazy about my job. i've never been happier when i think about it. i complain too much. is it true that the older you get, the more you ponder? because i've been pondering since yesterday, and i realize i need to be happy. i have no reason not to be. in the midst of all the pain and suffering of the world, my life is fitting together beautifully. so why complain? because i'm spoiled. that's the only reason i do it. so i'm going to try and stop. if you read this, and the next time i see you, i'm complaining, slap me right across the mouth. be careful, though, because my beard is bristly. life is good. it's nice to be 25. i think part of getting older is being honest with yourself. i'll never be in the nba. i'll never beat expert on guitar hero. and i'll never win the lottery. and that's okay. i'm happy. genuinely happy. being an old fart is better than i used to make it out to be.

so good

2008-10-20T09:40:00.001-07:00

a letter to stephen harper

2008-10-16T10:05:00.000-07:00

first, stephen harper, you broke the law you brought in to call a premature election. second, nobody from the beginning thought anything would change as far as minority/majority/new government goes. you were given a minority 2.5 years ago for a reason. third, you spent 300 million dollars of our money to end up right back where we started. i think you called it "an increased mandate" because you won a few more seats. politicians are so good at spin. you can take crap and make it look like gold. you'll even give it a cool name like 'crold'. an increased mandate would be a majority government.

the reason people gave you a few more seats was because they are tired of elections every two years. they are tired of politicians acting like kindergarten children. they are tired of attack ads. they are tired of broken promises, however trivial you might think they are. they are tired of fighting for something positive and receiving nothing more than petty bickering and plain stupidity from all the parties.

they are just plain tired. we are tired. i am tired.

it's not just you, and i know that. it's our whole system. it's all of the parties. we're broken. and the media wonders why we had our lowest voter turnout, 59%, in our country's history. i wonder... it's not too hard to see. we are tired. and not everyone is tired of you. i am, but not everyone is, or you wouldn't be running the minority government right now. but i'm asking you one favor. make this work. for the good of our country.

minority governments are a good thing. but it was dishonest of you to call an election when no one was willing to topple your government. it was dishonest and manipulative. just because you think it might be an opportune time to possibly get a majority, which few believed you had a possibility of getting. and part of me feels like you knew it, too. part of me feels like you knew you wouldn't get a majority, but simply called one now because you know no other party will have the guts to call an election for at least another 2 years. at least this way you can hold on to this little bit of power you do have. and you knew it. and you wasted our money. and you wasted our time. and for that i am upset with you.

but we are where we are. we can't change the past. i don't believe you would do anything different if you could do it over again, except maybe cater to quebec more. but please make this work. for the sake of our country. for the sake of a new generation of voters coming of age. don't let them get disillusioned the same way we all are now. show them that government can work. show them that this all matters in the big scheme of things. and that people can work together to make our country and world a better place. show them. i believe you can do it. after all, you are running our country, so you are a smart person surrounded by some of the smartest people our country has to offer (although, sometimes i wonder...). make our country worth believing in again. drop the partisanship. be the bigger man. the liberals and ndp won't because they are opposition, and it's their job to attack you. be the bigger man. make this country work. i'm begging you. because i am tired. i'm tired of hoping for better and getting more of the same. i will give you my vote of confidence right now. we are where we are, and i can't change that. so i will help you as a citizen of this country make things right again. you let me know what you need me to do.

but don't split our country more than it is already just because you have a grasp on power for a couple more years. please don't. politics has become a joke, and my hope is that you can make us respect politicians again. make this country a better place. please. for you, me, the rich, the poor, the middle class, and for my kids. thanks for listening. after all, i am assuming you do read my blog everyday.

Prayer of Thomas Merton

2008-10-10T10:28:00.000-07:00

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

this prayer beautifully describes where i'm at right now. i don't know where i'm going, and my relationship with God feels dead, but i do feel that desire. and i pray that that is enough to lead me through this dry and desolate place. it is a heartbeat. and for that i am thankful today.

come to me all who are weary and have a few dollars to put in the collection plate...

2008-10-03T10:52:00.000-07:00

the prosperity gospel at work. give me a break...

moments

2008-10-02T14:39:00.001-07:00

the music makes me smile,
but something says it won't last.
the name on the phone tells me the moment has come.
the tears tell me what i don't want to believe.
speechless, broken, afraid, desperate.

on the longest road i've traveled
small talk and cheap laughs
hold us close together at this moment.
and i know the mask must come off soon.
the road brings me closer to my greatest fear.

the fear of being alone.

cigarettes and tears
were never meant for each other,
but they are all that sustains in this moment.
the excruciating, the dreadful, the unfamiliar,
and through it all we know there's a light.

we just can't see it yet.
so we will continue searching,
fumbling in this dark corner for something real.
when it will all make sense.
will we ever find that moment? when?

a tale of two souls.

2008-10-01T10:02:00.000-07:00

one man was a devoted husband, loving father, and worked hard to see social change and make a difference in the world. he was a follower of God. he lost everything. his whole world crumbled. did he deserve what happened to him?

the other was a disturbed man who committed heinous acts and paid the price by being placed in prison. he had no wife, children, but was a follower of God. his entire world crumbled as well, as he took his own life. did he deserve what happened to him?

we have all fallen short of the glory of God. i think the problem is that we are asking the wrong question. when something bad happens to a great person, we think they did not deserve what has befallen them. and i would agree. when something bad happens to a bad person, we think they got exactly what they deserved. i have felt that way before, as ashamed as i am to admit it. the answers we get from this question are fairly obvious. but the problem is that we are asking the wrong question in these situations. our minds have become so twisted and warped that we care more about "just desserts" than people. i'm tired of hearing hatred spewed forth from the mouth of Christians who claim to have the love of God in them. "He got what he deserved." "He was a good Christian, he didn't deserve that," insinuating that someone who isn't a Christian or that someone who has "fallen" would deserve it. the problem is we have been asking the wrong questions for too long now. it's not about who deserves what. it's about whether we believe in God's grace.

do we believe God's grace can bring healing to the broken man who has followed Him faithfully and lost everything? i do. do we believe God's grace can bring healing to the criminal who is at the end of his rope with nowhere to turn? i do. Jesus said so to the man nailed next to him on the cross. the question is, do we believe in God's grace? it's not, 'are we getting what we deserve?' somewhere along this twisted path we follow in 21st century north america, we have started to ask the wrong questions. is God's grace real? if we believe that, is it real for a select few, or do we believe that God's grace is true for everyone. i believe God's grace can bring healing to the most heinous of people. after all, his grace brought healing for me. and it did for the criminal. and it does for the murderer. and it does for the faithful follower. God's grace has to be so much bigger than what we in the church have imagined it to be. otherwise, what's so exciting about this "good news" we keep talking about? good news as i hear it put forth from Christians today isn't that good, in my opinion. do we believe Jesus saves? do we really believe that? and do we believe he saves even those who are different than us? on the other end of the spectrum? we are too narrow. and we need to live what we believe, and show grace and mercy to the least of these. because i am the least of these and God has shown grace to me. why would we not do the same? are we better than God? any rational person would say no, so why do we act like we are too good to forgive and show grace, while God is overflowing with forgiveness and grace? why? we better start thinking of an answer. because i think we have gotten off the narrow road and onto the wide path. we are heading for destruction with our hatred, spite, and malice. most of Jesus harshest criticisms in scripture were to the religious leaders of the day. and i believe they apply to us. we must take heed.

please notice that throughout, i said we, and not you. i am in the same place you are.

why i'm voting green party

2008-09-24T15:25:00.000-07:00

there was a time in my life where i agreed with the Liberal point of view of the world. that time came and went as Jean Chretien left, and i began to see the Liberal party as corruptible and power hungry. even after i felt that way, i still voted for them, because there was a time in my life where i would do anything to keep the Conservatives out of power, even if it meant voting for a party i was disillusioned with. that time has come and gone. there was a time in my life where i voted NDP (provincially) because their ideals lined up more with mine. but as i saw, regardless of who holds the power, corruption is the name of the game in politics. so that time has come and gone. and while it might seem like the Green Party is all that's left, and that's why i'm voting for them, you are wrong. after all, there's still Bloc Quebecois...

i am voting for the Green Party because I believe in the things they believe in. people often think of the Green Party as tree hugging hippies, and nothing more, but the reality is that there is much more to them than this. while the environment and doing what we can to save it is obviously a big part of their mission, they hold some other important principles close to their heart that i believe strongly in.

i don't have a great desire to get into specific policies of the Green Party, although i would love to sit down and talk to anyone who would be willing to listen. but i'll tell you what i do like about them. they believe that the ideals they hold can become reality. most would call members of the G.P. idealists and pie in the sky dreamers. after all, saving the environment? that's way to big! ending violence and war in the world? not a chance! economic equality for the poor? like that'll ever happen! those are the responses most people would give. maybe not quite as cynical sounding as i was, but generally people do not believe these things are realities. but whatever happened to shooting for the stars? i think we have become content with a government that does nothing. we have grown accustomed to government breaking their promises, so when we hear a promise, or a dream for something better, it's easy to say 'yeah right!' i do most of the time. but i'm tired of that. i'm tired of settling for less than the best. i believe we as a society are so much better than our government makes us out to be. i believe that with all my heart. and i don't think the Green Party will answer all of today's woes and save the world. but i do think it is incumbent upon us as citizens of this country to vote with our hearts, and not just our minds. it's time to actually live that great quote, and stop asking what our country can do for us, but what we can do for our country. the Green Party to me is the only party that is attempting to do this, make the world a genuinely safer and more wonderful place. you can deny the possibilities all you want, but i'm tired of settling for less than the best our government has to offer. i'm sick and tired of feeling like we are in this endless cycle of destruction, and the stereotypical partisan responses to each crisis. it's time to start doing the right thing, rather than depending on someone else.

it might be a very miniscule step in the grand scheme of things, but it is one i'm taking, and i thought i should tell you why.

lily

2008-09-17T09:56:00.000-07:00

yesterday marked the end of a tumultuous 2 year relationship with lily. lily was our boston terrier. it was very much a love/hate relationship, mostly love, but when the hate came, it was vicious...she was a beautiful dog, in her own ugly sort of way. she loved to cuddle, loved to lick, loved to defecate on the floor when we didn't pay enough attention to her. but we loved her. she was a sweet dog. she loved makena, and recently she loved bella. makena regularly jumped on her, twisted her legs, pulled her hair, pushed her off the couch...etc...but lily just wagged her tail and ran back for another round of abuse. she would snuggle up next to bella while she slept on the bed and lick her hand whenever she got close enough. she loved to beat the snot out of hudson (our boxer). hudson would mostly tolerate her as she jumped on him, bit his neck, forced him to play when he didn't want to, and slept on top of him, literally on his back. hudson loved her, but not in a deep and intimate way. more in the way an uncle loves his bratty nephew/niece. you kind of have to tolerate them even though they drive you nuts, and you love them because they are family, but if you could choose your family, you wouldn't have chosen that one. ya, that is a good description of how hudson loved her. he wouldn't have picked her out of the other dogs at the petland window, but he loved her because she was his family. she was our family. and we miss her desperately today. but we know we did the right thing. we didn't have time for her. we got too frustrated with her. and she'll have a better life now. we gave her to a retired lady who will spend all day cuddling her, and she even has another boxer named AXL to keep her company. so we know she is in good hands. it would have been selfish of us to keep her. but it doesn't take away this feeling in the pit of my stomach. this hole i feel in my heart.

thanks for the memories, lily. you were a good dog. you were loved.

so hardcore it hurts

2008-09-12T14:28:00.001-07:00

it's been a hard couple of weeks. while it might seem stupid to state something like that on a public blog and not explain further why it has been hard, i really don't care. deal with it. i've been feeling very unsettled lately. not with work or home life. just with life in general. i feel like the things that have always held me up aren't quite doing the trick anymore. there used to be this passion inside of me that pushed me. it pushed me out of my comfort zone and into things that are unknown. and without fail, i always saw the benefit of pushing myself forward like that. it's like there was this flame in my soul, and now it's been blown out. i have to figure out whether i can get it going again or whether it's gone, and not really as important as i thought it was. but i do believe it was important. i can't really describe the fire to you. part of me knows it was God. in fact, i would say it was wholly God inside of me pushing me to be better and be who i was made to be. but it manifested itself in smaller ways, like through my music, relationships, meal times with friends, etc...it wasn't like i always saw God stirring up this fire within me. but he worked through me and the things i encountered to change me, make me something better. and now i feel like i'm not growing. i miss being pushed into the unknown. it used to be the norm, and now it is the seldom. it seems like people around me are falling apart and i don't know what to do with that. there was a time when i felt like i always knew what to say and what to do. and i don't have that anymore. in fact, i usually just sit silently. and think. my own world. it's consuming me. silence can be deafening because the noise isn't there to drown out the worries and pressure. and i think it's a necessary part of my growth. but i'm tired of it. i'm tired of always wanting more.

one thing i miss is coffee with friends who would push me. i used to have daily or weekly lunches with friends where the talk was about more than the last football game or what we are doing on the weekend. those talks meant everything to me. we pushed each other, stretched each other, gave our lives to each other. and now i feel like we got tired of being pushed and are content to talk about football and things that don't matter. i'm content and unhappy at the same time. i'm content because i'm comfortable, but i'm unhappy because i'm the same person today that i was yesterday. and i know i can be better. i know it. i just don't remember how. i've got to find that fire that defined me once so well.

maybe the answer is more tattoos.

the best we can hope for

2008-09-08T23:38:00.000-07:00

"the best we can hope for in this situation is a little grace."
-From the movie "Away From Her"

my brother mark is one of the most fantastic men i have ever met.

he is giving, honest & lives with integrity. he has a servant heart, is a loyal friend, a dedicated worker, a strong father and a very loving husband. he is a courageous man, a man of honor, a man worthy of respect, a humble man, a man who i look up to. he is a man filled with grace and compassion for those he knows and does not know.

my brother mark is everything i want to be in life. i am honored to be his friend and family. if you don't know mark, you should make an effort to get to know him. if you do, i'm sure you know what i mean. if you know him and haven't talked to him in a while, take a chance to re-connect with him. who he is will make you a better person.

just thought that needed to be said.

chris schultz article from tsn.ca

2008-09-02T07:49:00.000-07:00

Energy is an interesting thing and it comes in many forms. Sometimes it's visual, sometimes it's auditory. It's a feeling you give and take when you are among a group of people, let's say 30,000, it's addictive and motivating.

The studio where we (Dave Randorf, Jock Climie, Matt Dunigan and I) do the CFL on TSN studio show is perfect, the technology is the best that money can buy and it's easy to concentrate. The studio is about the size of half a hockey rink and is worth millions. If you want to watch a football game it is the best place to be as everything is a button or request away.

The only thing it doesn't have is energy. There are no people screaming your name and no deafening applause. It's just not the same as being there.

Sunday's Labour Day game between the Bombers and Riders was an experience to be a part of. In the studio, you know exactly what is going on - how many yards Charles Roberts has, how many completions Michael Bishops has thrown - but when you are on the sidelines with the studio show, it's tough to follow. Although you can estimate this and that, you can't recognize trends or patterns but you do get to feel the energy.

Wes Cates runs a sweep in your direction, Kelly Malveaux comes up to make a crunching tackle and you can feel it, you can hear it, it's almost as if you are part of it.

One half of the stadium screams "GO" and the other half screams "RIDERS" back and forth, over and over.

The energy flies through the air all across the field, again and again and again.

On the sideline, you also get to watch the interaction between the players and coaches. Ten different conversations are happening at the same time, then silence as an opponent makes a big play and quiet overwhelms the bench. The players look to the field to see what happened and the silence remains but a few seconds later, it's over and bang, it starts again. Everyone is talking once more, sometimes yelling, sometimes complaining, and sometimes criticizing. Coaches scream at players on the field with the players barley able to hear.

"Call a timeout," somebody yells.

"Not yet," a coach yells back. "Just run the play, we're running out of time!"

Its pure energy and you can feel it.

Thirty-thousand Rider fans all dressed in green, very loud because of a big play and then dead silent because the opponent made a big play. Up and down, back and forth again and again and again.

I am often asked what I miss about not playing football anymore, truth is there are many things I miss, a few things I don't, but next time I am asked that question I'll have an answer. I miss the Energy.

I can't grab it or see it but on Sunday at Mosaic Stadium I could feel it. From my feet up to the top of my head and through my entire body, I could feel the energy.

Thank-you Roughrider football fans for showing up in force and treating all of us on the CFL on TSN panel so well. You yelled at us, stared at us, waved to us and made us feel like we played for the Riders ourselves.

Are you the best CFL football fans in Canada, with no disrespect to any other fans in any other cities, yes you are.

I could not walk 10-yards without someone screaming my name to get my attention and I loved it.

You made me feel like I was 22 again and like I was a player, not just someone who talks about the real players.

I don't know many places you can feel the emotion you feel at a football stadium. If I could find it I would go there tomorrow just to be a part of it, the sounds, the sights, the feel.

Pure energy.

so maybe i went a little overboard for the labour day game...sue me...

2008-08-30T19:52:00.000-07:00

GO RIDERS!

are the Rider's now the holiest team in the CFL?

2008-08-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

michael bishop in roughrider green? i see this as a very positive move.

bishop, while inconsistent at times, has proven himself to be a bonafide starter with a heck of a throwing arm. Crandell is getting up in years, and has not shown himself to be of starting calibre. i wonder if this is a move to release Crandell, possibly? i don't think there is much doubt that Durant will be the starter when he comes back after the way Crandell has played in recent weeks. If nothing else, Crandell will be on the shortest leash of his life. if all the Riders had to give up for this was a conditional draft pick, then good on em' for making the move. i love how Eric Tillman sees an opportunity and grabs it. but i think this is a win-win situation. GO RIDERS!

10 things i hate about people stealing my rider's flag...and why i am not as good as the priest in Les Miserables

2008-08-07T09:21:00.000-07:00

i was going to post a funny video from youtube called "what am i?", but then i realized at the end there was some naughty language, and some won't appreciate it. so funny, but for now, you'll have to settle for my rant.

my wonderful father (in law, but i don't like saying that. it makes it seem like they are less than worthy or something, but he is great) bought me a Saskatchewan Roughrider's flag to put in my car window. it was majestic and beautiful, dark green, tightly woven threads, beautiful...body...i guess. i was pumped cause i had wanted one for years, but was to cheap to put out the $20 cash for it. anyway, i went to work around 10:30AM, proud with my newly displayed flag on my hotrod. by hotrod, i mean my 84' corolla hatchback. pretty much a lambourghini...lamborgini...lambofgodini...i don't know how to spell it. anyway, i went out to my car 2 hours later, and saw the plastic holder still in place, but the flag was no more. someone had ripped it off.

it's just a flag. just a flag i had had for a grand total of two hours. i can't say i was really attached to it. but it was mine. my possession. i can't even describe the blind rage that came over me as i realized it had happened. i'm sure some of you have felt it before. but i hopped in my car, driving through the area, determined to find the villain who had violated me so. because, after all, when people steal things from you, they usually walk around the same neighborhood they stole it from with their freshly stolen item in their hands. like i said, i was in a blind rage. i drove for 20 minutes, convinced i would find the perpetrator and bring him to justice. i wish i could say i realized i was being silly and drove home to forget about it. but the rage stayed with me. i punched my steering wheel, said a few choice words in the privacy of my car, and sped home, realizing i wouldn't find the person. at home, i stayed furious. i explained to my wife, thinking my rage made perfect sense, but she didn't get it. she thought it was lame, but she didn't understand my anger. just shows how selfish she is...and so i took my anger out on her, not talking to her and treating her like she had stolen my precious flag. i decided to lay down for a nap, but couldn't sleep because of my rage. i went through the whole day angry beyond belief. to make a long story short. i woke up the next morning realizing what a wiener i am. my wife says i should have realized that many years ago, but sometimes it takes acting like a total knob to realize who you have become.

i was thinking about the priest in Les Miserables, who was robbed by Jean Val Jean of his silver cutlery. the next day, the police found JVJ with the stolen silver from the priest who had taken in JVJ the night before, fed him, given him clean clothes, and a bed to sleep in. one would expect him to feel much the same way i did, only worse as it was more expensive. instead of becoming angry and feeding him to the dogs/police, he took a different approach. he said to JVJ "why, you took the silver, but you forgot the candlesticks." or something to that effect. thus, he saved JVJ from going back to prison, and gave him a second chance at life.

i am not that noble. i want my flag back.

but i got over it by yesterday. then, this morning i went out to my car to go to work, and someone had been in my car and thrown stuff everywhere, looking for valuables. the feeling welled up inside me again. hatred, anger, revenge...until i realized, it was an 84' corolla hatchback, and the most valuable thing i had in there was my cologne in the glovebox, and they didn't even take that. i showed them. all part of my master plan of driving a crappy car. in your face, criminals.

funny CFL article by Mike Toth on Sportsnet.ca

2008-08-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

What's in a name?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Mike Toth Archive

Ryan Dinwiddie's surname is an easy target for taunts after any bad decisions.
Absolutely everything if you're a CFL fan who realizes that a name is part of the game.

With the Buffalo Bills preparing to play in Toronto on August 14th, CFL protectionists have been busy blabbering about how the Canadian brand of football is more exciting than the NFL.

But forget about the games.

The fact is, the CFL should be celebrating its colourful names.

For instance, if you're looking for the perfect advertisement to push three-down football, it doesn't get any better than Tom Canada. Sure, the Winnipeg Blue Bombers defensive end actually grew up in the exceedingly Uncle Sam-ish community of Iowa, Indiana. But whenever Doug Berry, the coach of the 1-5 Bombers, tells the media to "Blame Canada", you can't help but feel a twinge of patriotism.

Truthfully, Canada doesn't get blamed very often, as he racked up 12 sacks last year and was named to the CFL all-star team. And like Canada, there are plenty of players around the league who have the game and the name to go with it.

Looking for tough guys?

The Calgary Stampeders have their very own physical foursome comprised of JoJaun Armour, Julian Battle, Funtaine Hunter and the ultimate in macho monikers, Ken-Yon Rambo.

If the power of positive thinking is more your style, the CFL is full of names that would have been perfect for "Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley" on "Saturday Night Live". Give a huge, happy hello to Chris Best of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, Winnipeg's Dan Goodspeed, along with Ian Smart and Zac Champion from the B.C. Lions. Yes, my friends, simply recite these self-affirming surnames over and over again and you'll finally be able to look in the mirror and say, "I'm Good Enough, I'm Smart Enough and Doggone it, People like me!"

But not every CFL'er is lucky enough to carry a feel-good label.

How many times has a certain Stamps offensive lineman, for example, been called Jeff "The Human" Pilon by a cheeky opposition defensive tackle?

Edmonton's Tyler Clutts and the Riders John Chick, meanwhile, are simply cruel jokes perpetrated by the football gods.

And Winnipeg quarterback Ryan Dinwiddie?

He's had to go through life as a walking, talking insult.

"You Dinwiddie! What were you thinking throwing into triple coverage?"

Then there are names that inspire goofy giddiness in Grade 3 bathrooms and sports departments across the land. Say a big "hee hee hee" to Chip Cox and Chris Leak of the Montreal Alouettes, Toronto's Willie Pile and the Hamilton Ticats' Pat Woodcock.

But to atone for the sin of having such evil fun at the expense of your fellow humans, football can serve as a religion and so can some of its names.

Remember that crazy "Rainbow Man" who used to show up at every major sporting event flashing a "John 3:16" sign?

It turns out "Rainbow Man" is now wearing black and white stripes while he serves a life sentence behind bars for blowing stuff up. But today, his message is still being spread via the massive shoulders of Jude St. John, a holy rolling offensive lineman who opens huge holes for the Argos. Michael Bishop is also a man of the double-blue cloth although having been reduced to do a back-up role, Bishop may be ready to renounce his position and move on to another Mission. The Lions Cameron Wake, meanwhile, has obviously lost his way because with a handle like that, he should be playing for a Ti-Cats team that has already been pronounced dead after only six weeks of action.

On the other hand, Calgary's Demirus Summers knows that living is easy at this time of year. And nothing says summer more than big blockbusters at the movies. "The Dark Knight", the latest installment in the Batman brigade, is breaking all the box office records. But for my money, you can't beat the campy Batman television series of the 1960's. The Caped Crusader and "Robin ... old ... chum" would wipe the floor with the villain of the week and the carnage was celebrated with "BOOM!", "KAPOW!" and "SPLAT!" graphics that appeared inside cartoon bubbles. With that in mind, we proudly present the Batman-inspired dynamic duo of Patrick Kabongo and Siddeeq Shabazz from the Eskimos. In fact, the next time Sportsnet Connected offers up "The Hits of the Week", don't be surprised to see the action jacked up by the presence of the odd "KABONGO!" or "SHABAZZ!".

But with apologies to Batman freaks everywhere, Gotham City is a long way from The Great White North.

And since the CFL is at the very core of Canadiana, it's only right that we conclude our exercise with a pair of names reflecting the league's true spirit.

Angus Reid of the B.C. Lions, for instance, would get a positive check mark on any poll dedicated to Canadian football.

But the surname that says it all?

There's no way you can scream "I Am Canadian!" unless you cast a vote for Hamilton's Sandy "Frosty" Beveridge.

smokin' hot politics

2008-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

i am becoming increasingly disillusioned with democracy.

“It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.”
-Winston Churchill

it seems as if the lines between parties are becoming increasingly blurry, as the ones you expect to be honorable are among the most dishonorable, and vice versa. yesterday, George Bush signed a bill that will triple the amount of funds the USA will give to fighting AIDS around the world, primarily in Africa. i think that is a beautiful and wonderful thing for him and his republican party to do. i have been on the opposite end of the spectrum for the rest of his presidency, ever since he stole it in 2000. but i cannot put down this move. it is beautiful and noble, and i am willing to say that George Bush did the right thing, no matter how often i have despised his moves in the past. another member of his party who is currently the republican nominee, John Mccain, is someone who i previously had much respect for. he is a hero of America. he wasn't content to just be a republican. in fact, he was despised by most other republicans and conservatives because he often stood against their immoral stances on things such as torture and unjust wars. but now, in the midst of political fever, he is slinging mud at the man who is putting a new and noble face on politics, Barack Obama. he is resorting to scare tactics (which aren't working by the way) and things that are beneath his previous noble stature. the problem is, the lines have become so blurry. let's move closer to home. the liberals were my party of choice for a long time because of their stances on social justice and making Canada a more multicultural and accepting, open place. but now, all i see is a liberal leader worried about staying in his place of power, which isn't much power at all, considering he is leader of the opposition. at several points over the last year and a half he could have voted against conservative bills he disagreed with, but chose not to do so, because to go to an election would mean he would lose, and in turn would not have a chance at the power of running the country. let's go even closer to home. saskatchewan. the home of...well...the rider's is about the best we got. for a long time, the NDP had been in power. the thing about being in power is that the longer you are there, the more people start to see your mistakes. and the provincial NDP government made many. come election time last september, they resorted to mud slinging and negative advertising because to scare people was the only chance they had at staying in power. and that didn't work. and i have lost my respect. i have lost my respect for politicians who are more concerned with saving their own jobs than with fighting for justice and doing what is right for our countries and the world at large. i am disillusioned.

my friend dave had the opportunity to see George Bush yesterday as his African Children's Choir were guests and entertainers at the event. and as much as i have spoken out against all the things he has done over the years, i am proud of George Bush for doing this. i will put down my defensive barrier and honor him for trying to help the world. the problem is we hide behind our party lines, and it seems like we are afraid to admit when the other side is right. democracy has become polluted to the point where it's all about image and saving face. whatever happened to the will of the people? when did it get to the point where one man or party has all the power and we are okay with that? just because 50.5% voted for this person, the other 49.5% have no say? how is that the best form of government we can come up with? and who are we to impose that on the rest of the world (ie. iraq, afghansitan, etc...)

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience."
-C.S. Lewis

and whatever happened to the will of the people being honorable, noble and desiring to serve the least of these. when did we lose that? where was i when this happened? maybe we never had it. maybe it was just a dream i had.

"The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the United States are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it."
-Edward Dowling

but our politicians need to change. the will of the people have to change. otherwise, we have no chance. we have no chance of being members of a greater, noble kingdom. is there any chance of this in the current political climate? right now it seems hopeless. but i am still willing to hope for something better.

"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall -- think of it, ALWAYS."
-Mohondas K. Ghandi

can you connect the dots?

2008-07-30T18:04:00.001-07:00

a couple interesting documentaries...

2008-07-30T10:51:00.001-07:00

a little over-dramatic maybe...

2008-07-29T15:35:00.001-07:00

but man, do i ever love the CFL!

since nobody wanted to tackle that last one...

2008-07-29T15:15:00.000-07:00

i'm not bitter or anything. i just expected more discussion on that last one. i guess everyone is pretty content with their faith...ha.

so here's another one...

the rider's are 5-0. try explaining that one...i'm not saying i had something to do with it, but you know, give credit where it's due. i am, after all, the number one fan. it's been scientifically proven.

why believe?

2008-07-22T22:28:00.001-07:00

i have been wrestling with my faith lately.

i don't have some big dramatic life crisis that has brought this about. it's more a state i've felt creeping in on me for a while now. i have a question for all of you. why believe? what is it that makes you believe in God? i have been having trouble answering that question for some time now. i mean, i am not giving up my faith, that will never happen as far as i'm concerned. i think what i'm feeling right now is a dryness. i am feeling parched for just a glimpse of God. it's not that i don't see him at work in my life. he has brought me through some amazing things and given me amazing opportunities, such as working with youth at Glen Elm church right now. such as people of God providing finances for my family when i had none, and had not advertised that fact. God has done amazing things in my life. and for that reason i feel weak. i feel as if i have every reason to believe, yet i am not seeing very clearly right now. and i am in desperate need of vision and eyes that can see. i am having trouble breaking through all the day to day nonsense of the world and being focused on what's truly important. there was a time in my life where i could genuinely look at every person i passed on the street and say that i loved them. that might sound weird, but i grew up being known as a person who cared deeply for people. and for some reason that has been a struggle as well lately. not that i don't love people, but i find myself less sympathetic towards others and more apathetic. and i think the two are intertwined. i know that God is love. and when i felt sure of that, it was easy to love people. now that i am struggling to see God's love in the world, it has become more difficult to love others. and i miss my old self. i feel like i am not who i am supposed to be at this moment. and it's breaking me up inside. i am still happy with my family, my friends, my work. but i feel like life is so much more than what it has been for me lately. i am weak. and i am wondering who out there believes in God, and why?

worst dream ever

2008-07-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

i laid in bed for half an hour angry beyond belief.

i had a dream that i missed the riders game this coming up saturday. and as i watched the highlights on TV, they lost and the TV announcer, probably warren wood that clown from global, said that they had been eliminated from the playoffs and therefore would play no more games this year. this came as quite a shock to me, as it was only their second home game, and i have season tickets. so i woke up and lay there mad as can be for about half an hour before i realized it was a dream. it was all just a bad dream. don't worry, blair, you get to go see the riders whoop montreal this saturday. and don't worry, because they won't miss the playoffs because as of right now they are the best team in the league. don't worry blair. it's all gonna be okay. GO RIDERS!

Game prediction-Riders 35 Alouettes 30

THIS IS NOT ANTI-AMERICAN!!!

2008-07-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

i wanted to state that in the title because i don't want to have to continually preface my comments with that throughout.

a couple weeks ago, i went to a training session in saskatoon. it was for an organization called UPWARD, a christian group that offers training on sports camps and leagues and how to run them in your community through the church. anyway, so a group of pastors, associate pastors, youth leaders, and church volunteers met for this training session. before we started, there was the typical introductions and hello's over coffee. one of the leaders of UPWARD comes from the great state of South Carolina. upon realizing that, one of my young comrade associate pastors made a comment that really got me thinking...

"Well, at least in the USA, you guys have better morals that we do up here in Canada!"

i tend to disagree. this is not because i think all americans are immoral and canadians are moral. i mean, we are only separated by an imaginary line on a map, so i don't think our morals are that different. and i think there is much immorality in canada that far surpasses that of america. he wasn't talking about the american and canadian people. he was speaking of government policies. and this is where my strong disagreement comes in to play. he looks at legislation against homosexual marriage and attempts to block out abortion on part of the politicians, and assumes that is what makes a country moral. now, in canada, we allow gay marriage and in fact are even currently honoring dr. henry morgetaler, the man who most would say is responsible for making abortion legal in canada. so i guess if you only look at those two issues, and you are against both those things, america might be considered a more moral place than canada. but i tend to look beyond those things. i think morality is something that the church has put a stranglehold on and limited to these two issues. i don't think that is a surprise or a shocking statement to most out there. maybe you disagree. i do think that's changing, but that is the way it has been and currently is. to be moral in politics means to oppose gay marriage and abortion. but it's so much bigger than that.

in canada, we offer free health care to everyone. in america, the government does not. now, you can say whatever you want about the broken canadian system. and you are right, it does need to be overhauled and fixed in some way. but currently, anyone in canada who needs to see a doctor can do so, without paying bills, without worrying if their family will be able to eat because they went to get a check up, without dying on the streets for lack of an available doctor that's not going to charge them out their anus. anus...that's a funny word. i believe that is moral. free health care is something that everyone in the world should get, and our government has given that to us.

last month, i received money from the canadian government. i have two children, and so the government gives differing amounts of money based on your income to families with children. isn't that remarkable? maybe people without kids feel screwed because it's their tax money that supports programs like this, but i believe that caring for families with small children is a moral issue, and our government has done this. as far as i know, there are no similar programs in the USA. maybe i'm wrong.

for a long time, canadians have been embarrassed about their military. we have been seen as weaklings, only interested in peacekeeping, and not wanting to be directly involved in fighting wars, such as in iraq. i am proud of my military for this very same reason. why should we feel shame for being a nation of peacekeepers rather than a nation of war-mongers? now, this is a very moral issue. and i don't think canada is guilt free. i am not saying we have never done anything wrong on the military front. but our military should not be ashamed, nor should we be ashamed of them, for the role they play in keeping peace in the world.

now, these are simply a few issues. my point is not that canada is better than america. like i said before, there is just a stupid imaginary line that separates the two. their shortcomings are our own. our shortcomings belong to them as well. we are the west. we are together. my point is not political. my point is that the church needs to start evaluating what they consider to be moral issues. i know it was just one young man's comment at some meaningless group meeting, but i believe his comment is common thinking among christians in canada and the USA, that gay marriage and abortion define what is moral and what is not. we need to broaden our definitions. we need to see morality as something bigger than hot button issues. where does caring for the poor fit in? where does violence and hatred fit in? how about divorce within our churches? we let slide the things that are uncomfortable for us to confront, and we attack the things that are foreign to us. that's the way we have always worked. we need a seismic shift in our thinking if we want this world to change. i suppose the problem is that most christians don't want the world to change. most christians want the world to fall apart so that Jesus will come back with his sword on a cloud of glory. end times theology aside, these are simply the ramblings of a young man trying to figure out what the point is of living as a christian in the world if we are only known as bigots and pro-lifers. i'm not saying we need to change our convictions. i am pro-life. but i am also pro-all-of-life. and i have met people who believe being gay is a sin and we shouldn't allow them to marry, but they approach it in a way that is loving towards everyone they meet. it's okay to disagree. it's not okay to hate our brothers and sisters.

i don't want imaginary lines to get in the way of loving brothers and sisters. and i won't let them. but we need to radically change our way of thinking within the church. we need to quit promoting these imaginary lines within the church that prevent people from coming to know God. i'd rather be known by what i am for than what i am against.

a tale of two friends

2008-07-06T17:56:00.001-07:00

today, i am thinking of two dear friends, kayla and ryan.

it's kayla's birthday today. she is one of those kids in my youth group that reminds me why i do what i do. when i first met kayla, i had her written off. i don't know if i ever told her this or not, so sorry kayla if this is a surprise! but i figured her for one of those popular kids. and not just a nice polite popular kid. but one that eats you up and spits you out before you have even said hello. like the mean cheerleaders in high school. or the football jocks. or kyle clement...curse you kyle clement!!! (not actual person) anyway, she has shocked me by not fitting into my pigeon hold. she has turned out to be a nice, decent human being. she is not mean or cruel in anyway. although, she does pick on me for having long arm hair...i cry myself to sleep every night. in fact, she is the opposite of what i thought. she turned out to be loving, caring, kind and thoughtful. she is very willing to go against the flow, which many kids aren't. she is willing to step out on a limb and be different from the rest. right now, she is struggling to be a christian amidst friends who do not understand and are not trying to understand. and she has stood strong. i would have caved like an ant vs. a bear in a knife fight. but she is going against the flow, trying to figure out what it means to live the christian faith in an age where it is often seen as only homophobia and anti-abortion. i am proud of her. she inspires me. i often tell the kids in my youth group that i believe they can change the world, and i really believe that. and the reason i do is because of young people like kayla.

my second friend is ryan goodwin. many of you will know this old scamp. he is a man among men, and a leafs fan going against the flow. when everything in the world is telling him that his hockey team sucks, he still stands strong in the midst of persecution and 41 years of no stanley cup...ha, anyway, now that i have angered him, i will flatter him. most people who know me would refer to me as a liberal. i think most people who know ryan would classify him as a conservative. i know those are just dumb labels, but they make the most sense of where we stand on our thoughts and issues. but here's the problem. ryan challenges those labels for me. i can't just slap the conservative label on him. because when i think of conservative, usually my stomach turns a bit and i think of rush limbaugh, stephen harper, and george bush. and those names often make me want to offer up the latest food i have eaten for all to see. but ryan doesn't fit this label. i often use this label to define people who are satisfied with the status quo and not willing to move an inch. yet ryan is an honorable man, much better than myself. and he is willing to move. he is willing to move forward and become a better human being. i am more content, often, to simply sit and do nothing and suffer through the status quo. i guess my labels have turned on me. maybe i'm the conservative. but ryan hates gun control. he hates michael moore (or at least fahrenheit 9/11). he doesn't like the liberal or ndp government. these are all things that i generally approve of! we are complete opposites in many ways and in many of our political stances. but ryan is still willing to accept me as a friend and engage me in intense discussion. not only that, but he is willing to move past discussion and examine his own life. he is willing to not stand on the party lines and set up a defense system, which i am often prone to do. he is willing to break down these barriers. and so even though he thinks some different things politically, i cannot call him my conservative friend anymore, because he challenges me to progress in my thinking and move beyond petty differences. this is my friend ryan. he is so much more than a political view. and i am so thankful that he is willing to put up with my "liberal" arrogance.

these are my two friends. my only two. will someone else be my friend?

best article title ever

2008-06-15T15:15:00.001-07:00

you cannot tell me that the person writing this article did not mean for this to happen...

HNIC theme song meets The Colbert Report

2008-06-11T10:34:00.001-07:00

http://watch.thecomedynetwork.ca/the-colbert-report/full-episodes/june-10-2008/#clip59078

i laughed so hard when i saw this. watch the whole thing. it takes about 2 or 3 minutes before our national anthem is stolen from us.

Arrested for Feeding the Poor (by Alan Clapsaddle)

2008-06-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Unconscionable: adjective
1. not guided by conscience; unscrupulous.
2. not in accordance with what is just or reasonable: unconscionable behavior.
3. excessive; extortionate: an unconscionable profit.

I have had some "unconscionable" things on my mind a lot lately as I have been working with the 20-somethings who make up Orlando Food Not Bombs and University of Central Florida’s Rock For Hunger. All three of these definitions of the word apply to the actions of the city of Orlando, in enacting an ordinance to try and stop these groups from sharing food with the poor and homeless in downtown Orlando.

Orlando Food Not Bombs (FNB) has been sharing food with the poor and homeless in Lake Eola Park since the summer of 2004. Some local business owners and residents, who were upset with seeing the poor fed in the park, complained to city government leaders. The mayor and city council reacted by passing an ordinance specifically designed to stop FNB from sharing food. The ordinance limits a group that is going to feed 25 or more people to no more than two such feedings in a park per year, and requires that a permit be obtained.

When the ordinance was first passed, the groups moved to the sidewalk and streets a block or so away from the park, but after continued city harassment moved back to the park. FNB, acting with churches and groups such as Code Pink and the ACLU, began sharing food in a manner that strictly complied with the ordinance. Each group would serve no more than 24 people, had a table clearly labeled with its name, and the dishes (which are collected and washed) were counted to make sure there were no more than 24.

Despite all of this, on April 4, 2007, at the conclusion of an Orlando police undercover investigation that, according to the Orlando Weekly, cost taxpayers $65,000, FNB member Eric Montanez was arrested. His alleged crime: feeding more than 24 people. His weapon: a ladle.

The result was twofold. One: A jury who understood the concept of "unconscionability” found Eric “not guilty.” Two: The arrest scared away groups and people who were participating, especially some of the church groups, who were afraid of being labeled "law-breakers."

Yes, it is unconscionable to let people go hungry, in a city of plenty in a nation of plenty. It is a higher magnitude of unconscionability to persecute those who feel called to serve the poor and subject them to arrest and prosecution.

A month later, six more FNB members were arrested for violating another city ordinance, “disturbing … (the) repose of any individual ....” The specifics of their offense: protesting the anti-feeding ordinance outside a restaurant venue where the mayor was holding a campaign fundraiser. Again, even in a country with a president who confines dissenters to fenced-in “free-speech zones” out of the line of sight of where he is appearing, last month an Orlando jury who understood the concept of “unconscionability” found them all “not guilty.”

Orlando Food Not Bombs and Vagabond Church of God have filed suit in federal court in Orlando to overturn this unconscionable ordinance. This matter has been working its way through the courts for more than a year and has survived all of the city's legal challenges to stop it. The federal court trial begins in Orlando this week. Let us pray for a court that understands “unconscionability.”

we only got 4 minutes to save the world

2008-06-03T14:34:00.000-07:00

i'm trying something new as of a couple weeks ago.
i'm becoming a vegetarian. not a hardline vegetarian. not a vegan. i just want to consume less.

i had a revelation a few weeks ago. i realized that i was a consumer. not just a consumer. an over-consumer. a consumption monster if you will. i devour my food. without even thinking about it, really. and i have my entire life. i get a plate of food and enjoy it immensely. i'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. food is meant to be enjoyed. but i found myself on a more regular basis eating until i felt sick, and i was losing that enjoyment. i was losing my appreciation. because when you can eat as much as you want on any given day, you lose your sense of awareness about the world around you. maybe you think i'm being extreme. but when i would find myself staring at a plate of food, i found it difficult to think about those who had none. and i found it difficult to think about sharing my resources. all i found myself thinking about was how i could consume more. how can i get the most out of this food. maybe you don't analyze your food so much, but i do. when i go to eat, i get excited. especially with my meats. i loves my meats. ham, turkey, hotdogs, burgers, steak, chicken, turducken (a ridiculous new invention which has a duck stuffed inside of a turkey. i've never actually tried it and would be ashamed of myself if i ever spent 100 bux to buy such an elaborate waste of food. sorry, i'm not judging you if you have had it, just my thoughts on turducken), etc...anyway, i like to pound my food back like there is no tomorrow. it reminds me of the munchies when you are stoned. you will be having a blast and laughing for hours on end for no particular reason, but the second that food comes into play, there is dead silence. i found myself devoted to my food. not that i have experience with that...awkward pause. just kidding. you all know what a loser i used to be/still am. this is the main reason i am trying to be a vegetarian. i want to consume less. i want to appreciate what i have. i don't want to just mindlessly pound back the food until i can't think.

i say that i am not becoming a hardline vegetarian, because if i come to your home, and you offer me a steak, i won't turn you down. that would defeat the whole purpose. this isn't about meat. this is about mindless consumption and me trying to get a handle on my impulses. so if you see me eating meat with a friend, don't judge me. or go ahead and judge me, but i won't care. relationships are more important than eating habits, so i won't let it get in the way of friendships. but i must stop myself before i start gnawing off my own leg. seriously, it almost happened once on that fateful night in august 04'.

and here we go...

2008-05-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

i'm excited about this guy. 6'4, 222 lbs, strong wide reciever. he was supposed to be a first round NFL draft pick this year, but was busted on a pot charge, so no one picked him up. i'm glad tillman found him and decided to take a chance. who doesn't deserve a second chance? who hasn't been busted on a pot charge and missed a chance to go in the 1st round of the NFL draft? we have all been there. no, just kidding. seriously, though, this guy looks deadly. i really hope he works out. i'm pumped to see what this year has in store for the riders.

cut off blue jeans are coming back in style

2008-05-20T12:20:00.001-07:00

i went to tobin lake this past weekend with pa and sis roberts.

the fish were scarce, and by scarce, i mean there were none. i decided that the marina we rented the boat from had rigged the fish finder to say there was fish when really there was none so we wouldn't return the boat. cause we saw them everywhere, but didn't get a bite. i'm going to get the government to look into this. it is one of the most pressing issues of our time. marina fish finder scams. you heard the breaking news here first.

we stayed in a little cabin out of the way, ate good food and had lots of laughs. i beat joy in the alphabet game on the drive up. you know the one, where you start at A and try to find letters on signs until the first person gets to Z. it was a close game, but as luck would have it, i saw the chevy trailblaZer before she did. she did beat me at cribbage later in the weekend, but i say the alphabet game takes way more skill and fortitude. cribbage is for losers anyway. i had some lofty goals leaving for the weekend. it was a chance to get in touch with God, with nature, with dumb fish that wouldn't bite my line, and with my dad and sister. that was probably the best part, just chilling with them. i see them lots, but never get much of a chance to hang longer than an hour. so it was nice to connect with them. i wish my other loser family members would have come. losers. i'm just bitter cause you were at home in your fancy schmancy homes, while i was on the lake for 12 hours in the pouring rain dancing the jig trying to get fish to jump in the boat. strongbad steered me so far off course. but it was beautiful. it cleared my head and gave me a bit of focus which i have been in dire need of these past few weeks. i feel as if i have been running around like a chicken with something cut off of his body. i forget how the analogy works. i needed to breathe. to be calm. steady.

the craziness of life is something i have grown accustomed to. running everywhere, prioritizing between friends, work, and family, usually getting it wrong. i realized this weekend i don't want to be accustomed to craziness. i want to slow down. i am missing so much of life simply because i am telling myself i am too busy with all these things. but the reality is, i am making a choice to be pulled in that many directions. my goal with fresh eyes today is to start living in the moment. rather than thinking ahead to tomorrow or the week after, i want to live for today. more than that, i want to live for this moment. right now. i want to be fully immersed in what i'm doing where i'm doing it. that could get a little awkward going to the bathroom, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. literally. i think that not living in the moment is a major problem amongst christians. we miss out on God's Kingdom right in front of our eyes often because we fail to see what is right in front of us. many of us spend our time looking backward, seeing past failures, past highs, and dreaming of what could have been. i call it the 'if only...' effect. really, we can accomplish nothing by doing this, we just like to live in nostalgia because it's safe there. we already know the outcome. or we go the other way and live in the future. this is what's happening down the road and once i get there things will be better. once i accomplish this or that goal, then my life will be fulfilled. my problem is i spend so much time looking for that next high in life that i screw up the things right in my path, thus preventing me from reaching my goal. the past is for wussies. the future is for wimps. i want to be strong. i want to be now. here is what matters. joe strummer, a musician, once said something to the effect that the most important thing for an artist is to be relevant to his/her time. maybe the most important thing for a christian is to be fully immersed in the moment. and i don't mean relevant to our time like, 'cut off blue jeans are really in fashion right now, so i'm going to wear those.' i mean living in the moment and seeing what is really going on around you. not living in the past. not looking to the future. here. now. wish me luck.

sesame street

2008-05-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

i come before you today full of inspiration. and i'm not even being sarcastic like i usually am. there is something about today that is beautiful, and something about today that gives me hope. there is something about tomorrow that is exciting, and something about yesterday that doesn't matter. there is something about this moment that i'm in right now. i can't explain it. i don't even want to. i just want to hold on, but the moment i hold on too tight i will lose it. so i'll just relax and let it happen.

this is far from the usual circumstance for me. i am hard to please on the best of days. just ask my wife. take my wife, please. how did that joke become funny? but for some reason i feel this new sense of wonder at everything around me. i am aware for the first time in a while of my surroundings. i have found that when i am unaware of what is going on around me, it is impossible to stay content. and i don't mean aware, like, aware of the current issues facing us in the world today. i mean really aware. seeing with eyes that look below the surface. i think Jesus talked about that somewhere at some point. i'm a pastor, i should know, but i don't want to take the time to look it up. looking at a flower and seeing it for what it is. one of the most beautiful things this earth has to offer. i don't care if that sounds gay or hippy. you can call me both if you want. watching the grass over the past few weeks has caught my attention. something about it going from lifeless, dead, and brown to long and luscious green is just beautiful (until i have to pull out the lawnmower and step in dog poo). someone i know told me the other day they want to be baptized. i have never really been all for the the baptisms. not that i am anti-baptism, just that sometimes i am so cynical it is hard for me to get into the hymn singing and hand holding. but i went to one the other week, and it got me hungry. it got me hungry to see people know God. in a real way. not in the way i have pretended for most of my life. so my friend is getting baptized in a couple weeks, and i can't wait for the rest of her life. i am anxious to see her not waste away like i have for so long. life is beautiful. that's all there is to it. the problem with someone in my state of mind is that you can argue with me all you want, and i don't care. cause today is what today is, and neither my positivity nor the negativity i will probably have again tomorrow will change the world. the only thing that will change the world is seeing. really seeing. deeper than the surface.

this program was brought to you today by the sentence 'none of that made sense' and the number 3.

oh i wish all sports announcers were this clever

2008-05-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

scratch my back with a hacksaw, here is mike lange.

sorry, something much more substantial will come soon. tomorrow.

apparently we are all idiots

2008-05-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

apparently, wearing blue jeans is an important news story.
apparently, it means obama is just a regular joe like us.
apparently, i'm going to go throw up now.

since when did this crap constitute a breaking news story? i like barack obama, but shame on the press for making a big deal out of such petty issues, or lack-of-an-issue.

in this moment

2008-05-04T04:20:00.000-07:00

its 5 am on sunday morning and i'm up with my beautiful baby girl. maybe at some point we'll have to let her cry herself to sleep, but for now, her deep shaking cry is too much for me to handle. so i will rock her and hold her and gaze at her new and beautiful face. and as i pick her up, her cry slowly subsides because she knows everything will be alright, cause her daddy's got her. and in this moment i feel entirely at peace with the world. and i know nothing can take that away. i dare someone or something to try. because the sounds of war, the newscasts, the negative, the heart wrenching, head pounding strife in the world is drowned out by the sound of my daughter's gentle breath. i know i will wake up later today and the pain in this world will flow back in. but right now, this is my moment, this is a God-breathed moment. this is life at its finest. nothing can be more perfect than this.

the dream is over

2008-05-04T00:11:00.001-07:00

it was fun while it lasted. there's always next year.

realization

2008-04-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

i have recently come to the realization that my last bunch of posts have been simply hockey facts and article clips. i was getting pretty high and mighty for keeping up the blog-land, but i realized now that i suck and am a cheap phony, stealing people's articles and writing about hockey, which only nic and jeremy care about. so here i am, in search of redemption, but not likely to find it. am i being a bit over-dramatic, maybe? maybe...

i find myself feeling a little discouraged with myself lately. i have been living very selfishly. i have been living this way with my money, my time, and my life for a while now. where to begin...

i have bought a couple new cars lately. by new, i mean an 84' Toyota Corolla Hatchback and a 1997 Toyota Rav4. you might be saying to yourself, 'that's cool that they bought some older, more economical vehicles.' toyota's, after all, are known for their great gas mileage. and yes, that is part of the reason i bought them. the other part is that i hate my car, and wanted something more. i wanted something better. my motives weren't very pure. i still think we made a wise decision, but i can't help but feel like i have spent more money on myself and my family in the past two months than we have our entire lives and i'm feeling guilty for that. plus, i haven't sold my old car yet, so it's kind of funny that only me and melissa drive in our household, yet we have three vehicles. makes perfect economical sense, right? anyway, i also splurged on an 80 gig ipod. who the crap needs an 80 gig ipod? that is ridiculous! (i say as i add some sweet new podcasts to my playlist...cough cough...) i don't know. ipod's aren't evil in and of themselves, but i have found myself caught up in our culture of consumerism. bigger is better. why get something smaller when you can get something that is bigger than life itself. bet you didn't know an 80 gig ipod was biger than life itself. now you know. i put all the music i know of on and i think i have used 6 gigs so far. i am supersized. not just cause i'm fat either.

for those that don't know, we are ready to bust any day now with a beauty of a new baby girl. melissa has been a trooper from day 1 and i have been a slacker all along. yeah, i've been working. but i haven't given enough to my home life, and it has come back to hurt me and my relationship with my family. luckily, melissa and makena are very forgiving. melissa has shown unconditional support for me in my new role at the church, but i have lived a very hypocritical life separating myself from my family as i immerse myself in my work. that's dumb. there isn't an excuse. i have made many excuses along the way, but that is flat out dumb. when you have a beautiful wife at home and the most beautiful child in the world at your fingertips, it's dumb not to take advantage of that. a couple weeks ago, i had this epiphany where i realized that i was having a baby in two weeks. yes, i am a loser for having an epiphany about something i knew has been coming for 8.5 months, but that is how stupid i have been lately. so in the past couple weeks, i have started to make up for 8.5 months of neglect on my family's part. ha...a little late, but like i said, i have a wonderful and forgiving family. i cannot live a self-absorbed lifestyle while i have a wife and soon to be 2 children who are depending on me for friendship and support.

anyway, this all has left me feeling rather dirty lately. sticky, almost. like someone dumped syrup on me and i can't get it off. i don't know. life goes on, and i am so lucky, but i really want my lifestyle to match up with all the junk i preach to everyone else all the time. meanwhile, i am buying monster ipod's and not being good to my wife. at least i recognize it and admitted it. my wife won't let me get away with it anymore. plus, she'll steal my ipod if i'm not nice to her...

just wanted to share.

2008-04-20T23:18:00.000-07:00

what do you think?

2008-04-19T00:29:00.000-07:00

(CNN) -- Former President Carter met Friday with a top Hamas politician, exiled leader Khalid Meshaal, in Damascus, Syria, Carter aides said. Former President Carter says he hopes to see a breakthrough in the Mideast peace process in his lifetime. Carter, Meshaal and lower-level officials had a closed-door meeting that lasted more than an hour and a half. The ex-president's visits with top Hamas officials this week have drawn condemnation from the U.S. and Israeli governments. They said Carter is engaging in diplomacy with a group they consider a terrorist organization. Carter's controversial tour of the Middle East included a meeting Thursday in Cairo, Egypt, with two other senior Hamas politicians. "I'm not a negotiator. I'm just trying to understand different opinions and communicate, provide communications between people that won't communicate with each other," Carter said at the start of his trip. Most Israeli officials have refused to receive Carter during his visit to the region, angry over his insistence that Israel should talk to Hamas. Many Israelis dislike Carter's observations about Israeli policies toward the Palestinians in his 2006 book, "Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid." U.S. and Israeli officials said they believe that Carter's talks with Hamas will achieve little and even could harm the Middle East peace process.

i'm interested to hear what you guys think about this. personally, i think this is great. obviously, i am no expert on foreign policy, but I think that unless we are willing to take the first step to bridge the gap between groups like Hamas, Al Queda, other Sunni & Shi'ite Radicals and the western world, then nothing will ever change. the hatred will continue to increase. this is my short-version opinion. i am interested to hear yours before i comment further.

hockey's great, but this really gets me excited

2008-04-14T18:46:00.000-07:00

The moderator called on Jim Wallis to ask a question of Sen. Obama:
As you reminded us a week or two ago, when Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was killed 40 years ago, he wasn't just speaking about civil rights. He was fighting for economic justice, was about to launch a poor people's campaign. Yet, four decades after the anniversary of his death, the poverty rate in America is virtually unchanged, and one in six of our children are poor in the richest nation in the world. So in the faith community, we are wanting a new commitment around a measurable goal, something like cutting poverty in half in 10 years. Would you commit - would you at this historic compassion forum, commit to such a goal tonight, and, if elected, tell us how you'd mobilize the nation, mobilize us, to achieve that goal?
Obama's response:
I absolutely will make that commitment. Understand that when I make that commitment, I do so with great humility because it is a very ambitious goal. And we're going to have to mobilize our society, not just to cut poverty, but to prevent more people from slipping into poverty. … [After a series of specific policy proposals] And many of these, by the way, can be part of a faith community. And so, you know, just to go back to our theme here tonight, people sometimes ask me, what do I think about faith-based initiatives? I want to keep the Office of Faith-Based Initiatives open, but I want to make sure that its mission is clear … the faith-based initiatives should be targeted specifically at the issue of poverty and how to lift people up.

3 more things hockey related...

2008-04-12T19:19:00.000-07:00

sorry for those who don't like hockey. you can tell what is pre-occupying my mind these days.

#1-KOVALEV!!! after taking a bad penalty to let the BRUINS tie the game, he saved the day. CANADIENS all the way!
#2-don cherry is a joke. i used to like him. sometimes now i can even appreciate his craziness. but his rant at the end of the game was just an obvious anger because the team he was cheering for lost. i mean, don't get me wrong, i would maybe do the same thing. but he has an obvious bias towards boston, and to claim that the CANADIENS got away with 100 penalties was laughable, to say the least. like i said, i used to like him, but now he just gives me a headache.
#3-the referees in this game were a joke, and even more so than don cherry. there were many occasions where obvious penalties should have been called against the BRUINS and weren't. now, the penalties evened out in the end, but that doesn't change the fact that they should have been called. and if they would have been, that game wouldn't have been close. i don't know if they didn't see them. i will give them that possibility. but it's their job to see, and if the CANADIENS lost, i would have been ultra-supremely-P.O.'ed.

XCANADIENSFORLIFEX

playoff beard update #1

2008-04-08T20:55:00.000-07:00

despite my wife's warnings of shaving my beard in my sleep, i am still going strong. i have dark brown hair, yet a red beard...what is that all about? XBEARDPOWERX

3 things hockey related...

2008-04-06T18:57:00.000-07:00

#1-bryan mccabe is a spineless coward. he was hit by a rookie playing what i think was his first game for montreal, and mccabe turned around and slashed him. not once, but twice. then this small rookie, drops his gloves to fight. mccabe didn't even have the cahoney's to drop his gloves in the first place. that would have been better, but even so, to fight a small kid? that spells coward in my books. oh yeah, in case anyone hasn't heard, toronto maple leafs didn't make the playoffs. i think that's just peachy!

#2-the montreal canadiens are #1! GO HABS!

#3-here are my playoff pool picks today. there were 6 of us and we all picked 12 players, just going on points.
1st pick-Sid the Kid Crosby (don't really love the penguins, but he is a brilliant player)
2nd pick-Alexei Kovalev (after his breakout year from a less than stellar previous record, i have high hopes for playoffs)
3rd pick-Teemu Selanne (came out of retirement a couple months ago and has been on fire ever since)
4th pick-Sergei Gonchar (i wanted a second pittsburgh player, as i expect them to go far)
5th pick-Corey Perry (i hate the anaheim ducks, but corey perry and selanne are strong offensive threats. ducks will go far)
6th pick-Milan Michalek (i'm picking san jose to meet montreal in the finals, strong player)
7th pick-Patrick Marleau (not his greatest year, but i expect him to be jacked for playoffs)
8th pick-Michael Ryder (underachiever all year, but will explode in playoffs. i have seen the future)
9th pick-Zach Parise (i needed to diversify in case my picks to win the first and second rounds don't go far)
10th pick-Brian Rolston (this will be a tough series fought to game 7 i think, rolston will put up some points)
11th pick-Tomas Holmstrom (detroit will go to second round at least, but will choke like usual, just filling out my roster)
12th pick-Petr Forsberg (big risk, but if he catches fire, he can do some real damage)

anyway, that is that. i have my entire house riding on this, so lets go all you 12 guys! bring home the bacon! literally, because if you don't, i'll have no home and need some bacon to make a home out of.

the way i see things

2008-04-04T22:31:00.000-07:00

in the past few days, it has come to light that two prominent canadian politicians are suffering the consequences of mistakes made many years ago. in 1991, Tom Lukiwski, the Conservative MP in my Regina-Lumsden Lake Center riding was caught on tape using homophobic slurs. the Premier of my province, Saskatchewan, Brad Wall, was in the same room and on the same tape, making an ethnic slur, imitating a Ukrainian voice and belittling then premier, Roy Romanow. another was heard to call then Liberal leader, Linda Haverstock a slut.

now, I have made no secret of my dislike of Conservative politics. one might think I would jump all over this in an attempt to discredit the Conservative agenda. and that was my first reaction, if I'm being honest. but then i remembered that i am a christian first and a political junkie second. to jump all over these men for mistakes they made in their past would be no better than someone holding the fact that i used to be a drug addict 7 years ago against me today. everyone deserves forgiveness. and not just a second time, but a third and fourth. this is what Jesus taught and this is what we must live by. so regardless of my political stance, i will not hold this against them. i know i am not directly involved, so my forgiveness might mean nothing to them, but i want to call on everyone to accept their apology and move forward. i stand up for gay rights and believe they deserve to be treated every bit as equal as heterosexuals. but if we hold grudges against those who slight the ones we defend, we are no better than they are. we must extend a hand and forgive, not because we are better, but because we are all people and we have all made mistakes. now, the video was very disturbing. demeaning homosexuals, ukrainians/ethnic groups, and women. they pretty much covered all the bases. as offended as i am, i can claim no superiority over these people. i have made many mistakes which most of you know of and many that you don't. when someone airs my dirty laundry for the world to see, i would like to think that someone i have offended might extend me the grace that Jesus would to anyone, and does to us today. just my two cents.

things i appreciate today...

2008-04-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

i appreciate good friends who are willing walk you through tough moral dilemmas.

thanks dad, john, michael and melanie for your help! i feel good knowing my integrity is in check, and thank you for not helping me justify the thing pulling me in the other direction. you are true friends!

to the rest of you, don't worry, it's nothing too serious. i was debating between whether to kick my dog when i'm mad at it, or to just shoot it and get it over with. they told me to shoot it. i think they are right. and for those that don't know me, this is a joke. i love my dogs. i only want to kill them half the time.

my play-off beard

2008-04-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

i'm not quite up to jeremy's beard status yet, but i'm working on it.

GO CANADIENS!!!

why can't there be a president like this?

2008-04-01T09:04:00.000-07:00

(CNN) -The Rev. Bernard LaFayette Jr. was resting at his Chicago, Illinois, home one autumn weekend in 1967 when the phone rang. The caller didn't identify himself, but LaFayette immediately recognized the baritone voice. By the time Dr. King made his final trip to Memphis, he was planning the most radical campaign of his ministry.

"Bernard, I need you," the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. said. "This may be my last campaign. We're going for broke."

Most Americans think of King as the "I Have a Dream" preacher at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington. But the man who made his final trip to Memphis, Tennessee, in 1968 had become radical, scholars and activists say. King was gambling his legacy on a final crusade that was so revolutionary, it alarmed many of his closest advisers. Some became concerned about his emotional stability. King called his crusade the Poor People's Campaign. He planned to march on Washington with a multiracial army of poor people who would build shantytowns at the Lincoln Memorial -- and paralyze the nation's capital if they had to. The campaign's goal: force the federal government to withdraw funding for the Vietnam War and commit instead to abolishing poverty. What King was saying by this time was even more provocative than what he planned. In his final presidential address to the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, he said the movement should address "the question of restructuring the whole of American society." He called for a guaranteed annual wage for all able-bodied people, he urged the nationalization of some industries, and he told people to "question the capitalistic economy."

"It didn't cost the nation one penny to integrate lunch counters ... but now we are dealing with issues that cannot be solved without the nation spending billions of dollars and undergoing a radical redistribution of economic power," King said during a trip to Mississippi in February 1968. The campaign was so risky that King told LaFayette, a Southern Christian Leadership Conference leader, during their phone call that he was going to appoint a new layer of executives to the civil rights group he co-founded. "He was anticipating that we might be hit with some assassinations, so he wanted somebody left to assume responsibilities to keep it going," said LaFayette, who was appointed director of the Poor People's Campaign. Taylor Branch, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author of "Parting the Waters: America in the King Years," said King didn't expect the crowds in Washington to embrace his vision of economic equality. He expected violent reprisals from troops. He might die. Yet King hoped that the sacrifice would lead to an economic bill of rights for poor people.

"When he did the Poor People's Campaign, he knew it wasn't likely to win," Branch said. "It was a witness."

But it was a witness that few people were prepared to hear...

King had also lost the ear of his most important ally, President Lyndon Johnson. On April 4, 1967, exactly a year before he was assassinated, King delivered a highly publicized speech against the Vietnam War. "Johnson was outraged," Wilkins said. "He turned sour toward King and the movement. He felt that Martin had rejected him."

The Southern Christian Leadership Conference, King's own organization, withdrew support from him. The group's board of directors voted against publicly backing King's opposition to Vietnam. Other black civil rights leaders criticized King as well. "There were some black preachers telling him he was out of his element," LaFayette said. King became depressed at times, Branch said. One night, King -- alone with a whiskey -- awakened friends in adjoining hotel rooms with his shouting: "I don't want to do this anymore! I want to go back to my little church!"

"The shameful truth is that very few people were paying attention to him," Branch said.

King mused about getting out of the civil rights business. He considered the idea of becoming dean of the chapel at Boston University, his alma mater, Branch said. "He was constantly saying, 'Oh, I wish I could do this,' but he could never do it," Branch said. He was just possessed by the movement." Yet King's evolution opened alliances with new supporters such as anti-war activists, said the Rev. Vincent Harding, an author and friend of King's who helped write his 1967 speech denouncing the Vietnam War. "Some people were backing off at the same moment that there were other kinds of people who now recognized that King was not there for black people but for a new American society," Harding said. "Those who wanted to work for this new society were seeing him as a hero." What this new American society could have looked like under King's leadership is unclear. He never got the chance to lead his final crusade. He was assassinated in Memphis on April 4, 1968, while helping lead sanitation workers on strike. The Poor People's Campaign has faded from historical memory. It remains the most overlooked part of King's legacy, Wilkins said. It remains in the shadows because King rewrote the traditional civil rights script, Wilkins said. As long as he fed Americans images of bigoted Southern sheriffs clubbing demonstrators, people could remain comfortable. But the Poor People's Campaign gave Americans a new cast of villains: themselves. Americans didn't want to look at the face of poverty, but King was going to force them, he said. "When the movement was just about the South, you weren't rattling the status quo," Wilkins said. 'You were doing things that made Northerners feel morally superior to the South." LaFayette last saw King on the day he was assassinated. At the time, King was still thinking big. He told LaFayette that he wanted to globalize nonviolent protests. King may have been isolated and dejected during those last days, but that's not the man LaFayette remembers. He takes comfort from one of King's final moments: the "mountaintop" sermon King gave the night before he was assassinated. "You could see it in his eyes; he was consumed with passion," LaFayette said. "He was prepared. They didn't take his life. He gave it up. They didn't have to run him down and try to catch him. He was standing tall despite the threats.

"You can't take a person's life who's already given it up."

one of the greatest men of all time

2008-03-31T13:57:00.000-07:00

hey guys. check this link to see a funny song my grandpa always used to sing to his grandkids. he doesn't here, but he used to get out his guitar and get really animated when he sang this song to us. it might not mean much to most, but for those that knew him and his sense of humor, it is pretty hilarious that he sang this song to his grandkids.

for the more "soccer-oriented" fans among us

2008-03-30T22:29:00.001-07:00

michael jordan at his finest

2008-03-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

if you turn down the music on your computer, this is so fun to watch. unless you love jay-z, like i do. then it is the greatest thing in the whole world. i miss michael jordan. no one compares to him when it comes to sports entertainment. can anyone think of any rivals?

the best day of my life

2008-03-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

well, maybe that is exaggerating a little bit, but it comes in third at least. it looks to be becoming an annual occasion. we should put it on the calendar and celebrate every year at the end of March.

Bruins eliminate Leafs from playoff picture
The Canadian Press
3/28/2008 10:56:41 AM
BOSTON - While Boston improves its playoff chances, the once-proud Toronto Maple Leafs have fallen on hard times.

Tim Thomas made 30 saves, Phil Kessel and Peter Schaefer each had a goal and an assist and the Bruins eliminated Toronto from playoff contention with a 4-2 win Thursday night.

you know you are in trouble when...

2008-03-25T22:02:00.001-07:00

you know you are in trouble when sinbad, the comedian/terrible actor, is making fun of you...

Clinton's Bosnia gunfire claim untrue
By Jitendra Joshi in Washington
March 25, 2008 02:11pm
Article from: Agence France-PresseFont size: + - Send this article: Print Email
DEMOCRAT Hillary Clinton has been forced to admit her dramatic account of coming under life-threatening sniper fire during a 1996 trip to Bosnia was inaccurate.

Senator Clinton's spokesman Howard Wolfson admitted the former first lady may have "misspoke" when she recounted the story on the campaign trail, as she tried to talk up her national security experience.

Senator Clinton had last week told of coming under sniper fire when she arrived at Bosnia's Tuzla airbase in March 1996.

"I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base," Senator Clinton had recounted.

But reporters who accompanied her on the 1996 trip have since produced TV footage that shows nothing of the sort, as Senator Clinton, accompanied by her daughter Chelsea, greeted wellwishers on their arrival and paused to chat.

Reruns of TV reports from the time showed Senator Clinton being welcomed by smiling officials on the tarmac at Tuzla, and listening as an eight-year-old Bosnian girl read out a poem.

Mr Wolfson insisted the Tuzla trip, designed as a morale-booster for US troops keeping the peace after Bosnia's civil war, took place in an atmosphere of danger.

But he admitted: "Now it is possible in the most recent instance in which she discussed this that she misspoke with regard to the exit from the plane".

The comedian Sinbad, who was also on the 1996 trip with Senator Clinton but is supporting her rival Barack Obama in the presidential campaign, said the most worrying part of the trip was deciding where to go for dinner.

And Senator Clinton's White House schedules - released last week and detailing her activities as first lady - confirm the ceremonial greeting she received in Tuzla.

Senator Obama's campaign has used the schedules to buttress its claim that the New York senator dishonestly inflates her resume to argue that she is ready to be commander-in-chief.

The schedules also fail to shed much light on Senator Clinton's assertions that as first lady to president Bill Clinton, she played an instrumental role in bringing peace to Northern Ireland or in opening Macedonia's borders to Kosovo refugees.

know when to hold em', know when to fold em', know when to walk away, know when to run.

gagging

2008-03-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

i know people are going to cringe when i write this, but i don't care. i just can't pretend it's okay when it's not.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- President Bush expressed sympathy Monday for the families of the 4,000 Americans killed in the war in Iraq, promising to make sure their loved ones "were not lost in vain." President Bush addresses the press with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, Monday. "One day, people will look back at this moment in history and say, 'Thank God there were courageous people willing to serve, because they laid the foundations for peace for generations to come,' " Bush told reporters after a meeting at the State Department.

i am just trying to figure out when that day is going to come. according to them, it should have come sooner. after all, the mission was accomplished about 2 weeks into the war if my memory serves me correctly, at least according to the white house. so shouldn't the day already be here when people think these lives were not lost in vain? yet the war drags on and on with no real end in sight, and i wonder when that day will come. i hope it will. i don't have any criticism for the soldiers, and i have no disrespect for them or their families. but when the world is a more dangerous place 5 years after the war started, how is it possible to think these people have not died in vain? they died in service to their country, in service to something bigger than themselves. but for what? i'm past the point of screaming 'bush is evil' and 'it's all about the oil'. it might or might not be. i don't know. i'm just a schmuck from the prairies. but please tell me when the day is going to come when all of this is going to make sense, because right now, i can't see it.

"He gets a report about every single soldier who passes away," Dana Perino, the white house press secretary said. "And he always pauses a moment to think about them and to offer a prayer for their loved ones and their family and friends."

what good are your prayers, mr. bush? i don't know much about prayer, and i don't claim to be an expert. my prayer life is broken at the best of times. but when God gives you the power to bring these men and women home and end the senseless deaths that are happening every day, and you refuse to do so, then you are ignoring God's answer to your prayers. he has given you the ability to make the call. so instead of praying for the soldiers and their families, ensure their safety and bring them home.

"No casualty is more or less significant than another; each soldier, Marine, airman and sailor is equally precious and their loss equally tragic," Rear Adm. Gregory Smith said.

i agree, mr. smith, but what about the 84, 000+ iraqi casualties that have occurred since March 19, 2003? do those count for anything? are american lives more valuable than these? i'll admit, he does not directly say this, and his obvious concern is for the american losses, but why aren't iraqi lives included in this statement? why do their lives hold less value than ours?

i know many are sick of this discussion. i know many don't think much of my views. i know the criticisms i face for saying this. but i can't handle this anymore. the news media has forgotten. we've been lulled into a sense of complacency. what has happened to us?

the words i can't take back

2008-03-23T23:03:00.000-07:00

so michael roberts and i have this thing. no, it's not romantic, at least most of the time. there was that one sunset on the vegas strip in 05'....

he likes the maple leafs. i like the canadiens. for those outside of canada or from canada who ignore what most people talk about in canada, these are hockey teams. now it is a pre-requisite for a montreal canadiens fan to hate the maple leafs, and in extreme cases, some of their fans. the same goes for toronto maple leafs fans. although, their hatred is a symptom of jealousy and not just pure, unbridled spite for the dumbest organization in pro sports, like me.

michael has this crazy idea in his head that toronto will make the playoffs. in my typical witty and talk before you think fashion, i told him that if they made the playoffs, i would eat poop stained underwear and post in on the internet. ha ha, all in good fun right? no. a bet is a bet. the bible teaches that we should let our yes be yes and our no be no. so i think jesus is telling me that if the maple leafs make the playoffs, i have to eat my poop stained underwear. after all, it's in the bible. stay tuned for the final result in a couple weeks.

just for the record, i don't actually have poop stained underwear.

The most important political speech of our time

2008-03-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

regardless of political stances, left or right, liberal or conservative, bigfoot or lochness monster...this is such an important message. and to hear it coming from the frontrunner for the white house is even more shocking. never have a i heard a politician speak so openly and honestly about one of the key issues of our time. no longer can we ignore this issue.

i pray for the good of the world that Barack Obama becomes president of the United States of America. i wasn't sold on him until i heard this speech. but now, i believe this is the only politician that can make a real difference. sure, hillary clinton could go and do some good things for health care. sure john mccain might make us feel the most secure as we sleep in our beds at night. neither of them would be bad presidents. my dog, hudson, would be a better president than george bush. but barack obama is a new breed that longs for change, that longs for the world to be a better place. and it isn't just rhetoric. he doesn't just toe the party line. take the time to listen to this speech. maybe you will think i am over exaggerating. i don't think so. it has made a deep impact on me.

Healing the Wounds of Race (by Jim Wallis)

2008-03-18T10:25:00.001-07:00

It has simmered throughout this campaign, and now race has exploded into the center of the media debate about the presidential race. Just when a black political leader is calling us all to a new level of responsibility, hope, and unity, the old and divisive rhetoric of race from both blacks and whites is rearing its ugly head to bring down the best chance we have had for years of finally moving forward.
And that is indeed the real issue here. A black man is closer to possibly becoming president than ever before in U.S. history. And this black man is not even running as "a black man," but as a new kind of political leader who believes the country is ready for a new kind of politics. But a new kind of politics and a new face for political leadership is deeply threatening to all the forces that represent the old kind of politics in the U.S. And all the rising focus on race in this election campaign has one purpose and one purpose alone—to stop Barack Obama from becoming president of the United States.
Barack Obama should win or lose his party's nomination or the presidency based on the positions he takes regarding the great issues of our time and his capacity to lead the country and the U.S.'s role in the world. He must not win or lose because of the old politics of race in the U.S. That would be a tragedy for all of us.
The cable news stations and talk radio are playing carefully selected excerpts of the most potentially incendiary statements from Rev. Jeremiah Wright's fiery sermons. Wright is the retiring pastor of Barack Obama and his family's home Trinity Church in Chicago. Obama, while affirming the tremendous work his church has done in his city and around the nation, has condemned the most controversial remarks of his pastor. But the whole controversy points to the enormous gap in understanding between the mainstream black community in the U.S. and the experience of many white Americans. And that is what we are going to have to heal if we are ever to move forward.
Here is what I mean.
There is a deep well of both frustration and anger in the African-American community in the U.S. And those feelings are borne of the concrete experience of real oppression, discrimination, and blocked opportunities that most of America's white citizens take for granted. African Americans across the spectrum of income and success will speak personally to those feelings of frustration and anger, when white people are willing to listen. But usually we are not. In 2008, to still not comprehend or seek to understand the reality of black frustration and anger is to be in a state of white denial - which, very sadly, is where many white Americans are.
The black church pulpit has historically been a place of prophetic truth-telling about the realities that black people experience in their own country. Indeed, the black church has often been the only place where such truths are ever told. And, black preachers have had the pastoral task of nurturing the spirits of people who feel beaten down week after week. Strong and prophetic words from black church pulpits are often a source of comfort and affirmation for black congregations. The truth is that many white Americans would indeed feel uncomfortable with the rhetoric of many black preachers from many black churches all across the country.
But if you look beyond the grainy black-and-white clips of the dashiki-clad Rev. Wright and the angry black male voice (all designed to provoke stereotypes and fear), and actually listen to what his words are saying about the U.S. being run by "rich white people" while blacks have cabs speeding by them, and about the U.S.'s misdeeds around the world, it's hard to disagree with many of the facts presented. It's rather the angry tone of Wright's comments that provides the offense and the controversy.
Ironically, a new generation of black Americans is now eager and ready to move beyond the frustration and anger to a new experience of opportunity and hope. And nobody represents that shift more than Barack Obama. There is a generational shift occurring within the black community itself. This shift is between an older generation that is sometimes perceived to be stuck in the politics of victimization and grievance, and a younger generation that believes that opportunity and progress are now possible—not by ignoring, but by being committed to actually changing the facts of oppression and discrimination.
Barack Obama represents that hope of dealing with the substance of the issues of injustice while at the same time articulating the politics of hope, and even the possibility of racial unity. Obama's attraction to many who are white, especially a new generation, demonstrates the promise of a new racial politics in the U.S. But to be a leader for a new generation of black Americans, Barack Obama had to be firmly rooted in the black church tradition, where the critique of white America, the sustenance of the African-American community, and God's promise for the future are all clearly articulated. That's why he began attending Trinity Church, where he was converted to Jesus Christ in the black liberationist tradition of, among others, Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.
So it would be a great tragedy if the old rhetoric of black frustration and anger were to now hurt Barack Obama, who has become the best hope of beginning to heal that very frustration and anger. Obama has never chosen to talk about race in the way that Rev. Jeremiah Wright does on the video clips that keep playing, and indeed has never played "the race card" at any time in this election. It's been his opponents that have, especially the right-wing conservative media machine that wants the U.S. to believe he is secretly a Muslim and from a "racist" church.
This most recent controversy over race just demonstrates how enormous the gap still is between whites and blacks in the U.S. - in our experience and our capacity to understand one another. May God help us to heal that divide and truly bless America.

everything must change

2008-03-12T18:34:00.000-07:00

hey everyone. i know many of you are from other cities and countries, but i wanted to share this with you. dave turner suggested doing this book, "Everything Must Change" by Brian Mclaren, as a study with some people from our church here at glen elm, and i was thinking that was a good idea. maybe if any of you out of our area want to be involved we could start a discussion group online through our blogs of some sort. anyhow, i know some people are sick of the emergent talk. i kind of understand that. but i don't think this book has anything to do with emergent vs. evangelical or whatever. it has to do with important issues facing our world and our church, and i think this book really could bring about some much needed change in our communities. let me know what you think, whether you are from regina and want to be involved in a weekly meeting, or from elsewhere and want to join in an online study. e-mail me, or post your response on here, and we will move on from there. thanks guys.

the life and times of one of the greatest

2008-03-12T13:12:00.001-07:00

my first memory of grandpa peterson is fishing.

fishing at white lake next to salmon arm. i have a vivid memory, being out in the boat. i leaned over and looked into the water. it was clear as can be. you could see all the way to the bottom, and i thought it was the most amazing thing ever. you could see the fish swimming beneath you and you could watch as they took your hook. i remember grandpa helping me reel the fish in because i wasn't strong enough. i laughed so hard and was so excited to see the fish come out of the water. as we pulled the boat back onto the trailer, there was a dead turtle in the middle of the road that had been run over. i got really sad because i hate death. i remember grandpa giving me a hug and telling me it was okay. i don't remember the words, but i remember with grandpa, everything seemed like it was going to be okay.

all my memories of grandpa were like that. whether it was gopher hunting, feeding the squirrels, helping him build his trailer, taking apart old computers, or going to mcdonald's, you always felt like you meant the world to him. you felt like you were the most important person in the world at that very moment. i know his favorite story he liked to tell about me was when i was a small boy, he came to visit us at silver creek in salmon arm. as he pulled out of the drive way to leave, i ran to my room crying my eyes out. when mom asked what was wrong, i said "i already miss grandpa!!!" grandpa peterson meant the world to me. he modeled to me what it meant to love family with all your heart. it didn't matter how tired he was, or how sore he got, or how old he got, he always took you on an adventure.

i loved his passion for learning as i grew older. i remember finding out that one of his favorite movies was "Bowling for Columbine". love or hate michael moore, that movie brings up important issues that touch us all deeply and grandpa cared about the world in this way. i loved listening to him talk about issues that affected the world. jason bandura said that before he even knew him, he had heard that him and grandma had done regular mission trips to africa, and it had impacted him to see someone in their older age give their life so freely for the good of Christ and the world. it did the same for me. what kind of man does that? most grow old and settle into a comfortable life of retirement. but not my grandparents. they gave themselves for the good of the world.

i have another vivid memory of grandpa. i think it was christmas about 4 years ago. most of the peterson clan had gathered at grandma and grandpa's house in weyburn, and we decided to have a serious devotional and talk about our lives. so we all gathered in the living room in a large circle. we were led in a devotional that i remember nothing about. after, we started sharing things about our lives that were important and the mood was melancholy. some were crying as they talked. grandpa wouldn't stand for that! he brought out joke after joke in a beautiful fashion that only my grandpa can! you could tell the mood was a little awkward because we all felt the need to be serious. but grandpa hated for us to be so sad. and so he spent about 20 minutes cracking one liners until we all lightened up and started enjoying ourselves.

that was my grandpa. a beautiful man. a beautiful mind. a beautiful life.

i will miss you grandpa. thank you for giving your life to something bigger than yourself and teaching me how to be a bigger person.

can i have my snake back?

2008-03-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

if you haven't seen the darjheeling limited, you should.

the weeks are passing by like my moxie's brownie at autumn challenge in 01'. kris o. & aaron friesen know what's up. one time, we went out to moxie's with john close and some others and after we got back to the church, i threw up in the parking lot. then me and kris were saying bye to some people, and we watched a girl slip in it. it was the happiest moment of my life, i think.

melissa's grandma passed away march 1. we have been back and forth from regina to winnipeg more times than i can count. well, actually only 4 times, but that's pretty high. it's been a rough few weeks for the wiebe family. i hate seeing people go through pain. you wish you could take it away and just wrestle it down and tell it to quit hurting people. like pain is a bully, and you are showing him who is the boss. like tony danza. king of the small screen. in the 80's.

i feel very disconnected from life right now. like i am an observer watching myself do things. no i'm not on drugs. it just seems like i'm having trouble living in the moment. i'm always looking back to how things were or looking ahead to how i hope things will be. i don't even know what that means, but it makes sense in my brain somehow. but i want to be present. i want to be aware of what's going on around me. i struggle with knowing what to say or how to be there with someone. i know i don't need the perfect words, but somehow i feel like everything good in my life is being missed because of this.

allow me to be abstract for awhile, as if i'm not already. i used to drive around regina and see so much beauty in the faces of the people i passed. not only the people, but the old rundown buildings, and the trees, and everything. i could see it. i could taste it. it was real to me. i'm struggling with that today.

allow me to be specific for a moment. i look in the face of my beautiful wife and feel like there is no way i deserve her grace and beauty. i look into the face of my 2 year old beautiful girl and marvel at the perfection of God in her smile and in her cry. i see my wife's belly and am amazed that i am a part of something so wonderful and bigger than myself that my mind can barely comprehend it (she is pregnant by the way, just so you don't think i have a weird obsession with my wife's belly).

the things around me that are real are so beautiful. so perfect. so much better than what i deserve. i want to feel that way about everyone and everything. and today i don't. today i feel like sleeping. like going to bed and dreaming of my family. but why can't my love be bigger than that? i've told myself and others that it can be, that as a follower of Jesus it has to be bigger than that. if we only love those who love us, then what good is that? i believe that, but i'm wrestling today with loving the abstract. because when you love the abstract, it isn't abstract anymore. it becomes the real. it becomes the very thing that you have been looking for. i don't know if i'm ready to jump into that. but as a follower of Jesus, do i have any choice? no, i don't. it is what we are called to, and i am admitting that i fail miserably at loving what doesn't love me back. i am trying, and i will try again tomorrow. but i just want to be honest about how i feel at 11:30 pm on a wednesday night when i am alone without my family. so, for the two of you out there that this might have made sense to, thanks for reading and call me for coffee so we can be abstract and irreverent together. for the rest of you, sorry for wasting your time.

maybe i'm just ornery because the riders traded kerry joseph. has the whole world gone mad?

the best gift i ever got was a punch in the face

2008-02-20T17:36:00.000-08:00

a kid told me that today. i thought it was appropriate to how i am feeling this week.

out of the mouth of babes...and i don't mean hot chicks. is that derogatory? probably, but i'm just trying to make a point. and i forget what that is. so never mind.

at this time in this place, i am feeling very sad. people i care about seem to be hurting all over. melissa's grandma katherina, the toughest woman i've ever met, is knocking on death's door. she had bowel cancer. then a week before her surgery she had a heart attack. she is 92, and to weak for them to do much but make her comfortable. melissa was very close to her. she loves her very much and it is hard to watch people you love hurt in that way. also, my grandpa peterson has had two strokes in the past month. he is one of the most brilliant, funny men i have ever met in my life. and my grandma sets the bar for loving one another. she cares for people in a way that is unparalleled in this world. it reminds me of my grandpa roberts and the way he cared for my grandma for many years.

i have always been skeptical of the elderly. i have viewed them as stuck in the past, stubborn, unwilling to move, and poor drivers. the more i see people like these in front of my eyes, the more i realize it is me who is stubborn and obstinate. i have disregarded these people for so long and taken them for granted. and to watch amazing people move on to a new section of their life, free from pain and suffering, it makes me sad to see them go. as selfish as that sounds, it is the truth. in this time and place, where i can't see the afterlife and what it's like, i want to be able to hold on forever and ever, and never let go of these people who have taught me so much, even when i disregarded them. these are the people who have gone before and given me life. for that, i will always be grateful. i look forward to the time we have left, all of us, and i pray that we will not take each other for granted, but see the beauty in each one of us and grab a hold of it and not let go for as long as we can. thank you to those who have gone before me and made me who i am.

p.s.-go here for an interesting discussion based around thoughts by marcus borg, a brilliant writer and christian thinker.

shocking revelations below

2008-02-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

john has successfully lambasted me into posting something on here. thanks for nothing jerkface.

i haven't posted in a while because all of my thoughts and my heart are really heavy lately. i had posted a bunch of times within the span of a week, and i thought many might be sick of hearing blair's classic 'woe is me, everything stinks' speech. i hope i don't come across that way. but i probably do. my wife often tells me i'm a kindergarten baby and need to grow up already. i told her i know she is but what am i. showed her.

on wednesday at our kid's clubs, i was teaching them about God's forgiveness. i told them that since God has forgiven us, he wants us to forgive others. about then, a young guy in about grade 3 piped up out of the back

"Jesus ain't ever done nothing for me!"

after suppressing my laughter until i could get back to my office, i tried to figure out how to salvage the lesson. i think i ended with some cheesy 'you might not see God, but he loves you anyway' line. that was the highlight of my week. things on my mind this afternoon are as follows...

1. getting ready for sunday

2. the emerson letters show tonight

3. i need to go to the bathroom

4. shaq? wierd.

5. i hope ken miller is all that eric tillman says he is

6. i have issues with youth rally's

i'll post more on #6 later. for now, i have to take care of #3...

intentions

2008-01-28T11:41:00.000-08:00

i was reminded this morning that good intentions don't count for much if you hurt someone in order to accomplish your goals.

i erased an earlier post because of how it hurt someone, and i apologize sincerely for that. without getting into the specific post, i still want to have the same discussion about fighting injustice in our world. where do you see injustice? where do you see justice? what are you doing about the injustice you see? please share your answers to any or all of these questions. we need to fight for a better world, and discussion won't make that happen. but it is a good place to start.

highlight of the day

2008-01-27T12:10:00.000-08:00

my highlight of the day thus far...

a buddy in youth crew this morning playing hangman by himself.

that's tricky. it's a win-win situation, really

this insignificance is real

2008-01-23T12:07:00.000-08:00

i don't really know how to feel right now. i should feel great. i've had some great visits with some great friends i haven't seen in ages. my family is awesome. makena learned how to say i love you, which is the best thing i have ever heard in my life. the job is going great. i've gotten to hang out with some great kids and the things i'm doing with them are going really great. life is good.

but i have a sick feeling in my gut. i feel discontented with the way things are right now. which is okay. i have learned over the years that this feeling usually spawns something new and exciting in my life. but there is something brewing inside of me that feels important. not just a new thought or some insignificant detail. but something real. something that is about to rip me open and turn me inside out. the feeling is familiar yet strange at the same time. i haven't experienced it in awhile. and i don't know what to make of it. it is masking as unhappiness, but when i evaluate my life i have no reason to be unhappy. i have every reason for joy and peace.

and maybe that's the reason. i believe whenever we get most comfortable is when we get torn from that place and pushed into the unknown. and i'm being pushed. settling into this line of work i'm in, it would be so easy to just settle in. do a few bible studies a week and call it a day. but i believe there is something so much bigger for these kids. and i need to be a part of that because i need to grow as much or more than they do. youth ministry is such a strange thing. i don't know what it means. a few friends bug me and call me their pastor now. how do i be a pastor? there are so many that have gone before me and done it in so many different ways. some have been outstanding and others less then enthusiastic. i know what i don't want to become. i don't want to be just another tired youth minister trying to get by. i want to be so much more. i want our church to mean so much more to our kids. i want our kids to mean so much more to our church. i want our church & our kids to mean so much more to our world. i want everything to change. i want something so big that i feel overwhelmed and tired just thinking about it. but i can't give it up. i can't ignore it. and if you see me doing so, slap me on the mouth. i am tired of wasting away and waiting for things to change. i am tired of being an idealist with no real value.

that was a rant and a half. re-reading it, it makes little sense, but maybe that's what it's supposed to be. if i try to make too much sense of it, it will become insignificant.

another reminder

2008-01-16T08:59:00.000-08:00

"But seek first his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

-Matthew 6:33

"You have heard that it was said 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven."

-Matthew 5:42-45

perhaps a reminder to both myself and my friend from this morning.

reminder

2008-01-16T08:42:00.000-08:00

this morning reminded me of everything i hate about "christianity."

notice the parntheses around the word because i am speaking of christianity as it's come to be known, not as it should be. i don't claim to have the answers to how it should be. but i know it shouldn't be this way.

to be honest, i don't even want to explain why. i will come across just as judgmental as the person i am frustrated with. but to make a long story short, it ended with someone explaining to a group of people how the gay lifestyle was against God and how speaking out against it was spreading the gospel. i didn't realize the gospel of Jesus Christ, the good news of Jesus Christ, the most important message our world will ever hear, was "DON'T BE GAY!". i was unaware of that fact. now i am aware. and frustrated.

what gives one person the right to claim superiority over another? haven't we all fallen short? the obvious answer to that question is yes. yet we continue in this path of hatred and disgust with the unfamiliar and unknown. and i'm not here to debate whether being gay is right. that won't solve anything, and that is not the point. i don't even know what the point is. maybe you can tell me. i am just so fed up with the way things are. i am so tired of just settling for a lesser version of christianity because it allows us to feel superior and comfortable. i know i am pushing the line here, because the reality of the situation is that i am close to feeling superior to that man who said these things because i think he is an idiot. which is a little hypocritical because this post is supposed to be refuting that attitude. but there it is. i would rather admit my shortcomings than claim i am holier than thou. i don't know what the answer is. but i am tired of sitting by and saying nothing when i hear these things. in one way, the man was right. we do need to stand up for what is right. but if being right gets in the way of loving a child of God, then i am more than willing to throw my "rightness" into the trash.

i don't expect anyone to dive into this conversation. i know it's a little on the edge of reason. just like bridget jone's diary was.

alright, i have successfully closed with a terrible pop culture joke. i can leave now.

This, then, is how you should pray:

2008-01-07T07:21:00.000-08:00

"Our Father in Heaven.

Hallowed be your name.

Your Kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one."

as you can see, i am officially making the transition from layperson to pastor overlord. quoting scripture and analysing it for all to see is official pastor business. or so i've heard.

i have recently come to love this prayer. i don't really have much to say, as i'm sure most of you have heard it over-analysed a million times before and have your own favorite parts about it. but here are a few of mine that have recently struck me going over this prayer.

1. it is simple. how often do we pray prayers this simple? when i pray, whether in public or private, i feel the need to speak many works and explain the complexity of my life to God. when i pray in private, this stems from my own insecurity rather than necessity. i feel unworthy and therefore have to explain to God why He should listen. maybe most of you are beyond me in this area. i hope so. maybe instead of being like the pharisees and speaking many words and lengthy prayers in public so people think i am so spiritual, i should take a cue from Jesus. pray His prayer. after all, it shows an incredible lack of trust in God if we think He doesn't know what we need. keep it simple and take time to listen rather than speaking a million words a minute.

2. "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."

when we pray this, what are we really praying? it's been easy for me to skip over this statement in the past and not really examine this. but this statement is really a request for God to make His Kingdom a reality in my life. it is not just a run of the mill request for God to do something in the world while we stand idly by. this is a request for God to mould me and shape me and make me a member of His Kingdom. this prayer is really saying that my deepest wish is that your kingdom will come, God, and I want what you want for this earth. so if i sit around and do nothing to further God's Kingdom, can i really pray this prayer? i don't think so. God's Kingdom is here and now. it is simply a matter of whether we choose to enter it and make a difference for God. if we are not in tune with God and His work in this world, then we have little hope of ever seeing His Kingdom although it is all around us.

3. "Give us today our daily bread."

sounds simple enough. but do we have enough faith to only pray for enough to get us through the day? we live in a culture that says we should keep accumulating more and more until we have enough to last us the rest of our lives. even then it is usually not enough. the more you have the more you want. that is a simple truth i have found at work in my life. do i have enough faith to say to God, give me what i need for today, and tomorrow i will ask you again. not usually. although i should, as he has come through for me on more than one occasion.

4. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

it's really easy to read the first part of that sentence and leave out the rest. every time i pray, i ask for God's forgiveness. that in itself is not a bad thing. we need God's forgiveness. but how often do we relate that request to how much we have forgiven others. i hold so many grudges i lose track of them. then one day months or years down the road, i remember the offense against me and get mad all over again. ps, it was my petition dave, you jerk. ha. do we really believe that our forgiveness is related to how much we forgive others. that kind of scares me. no, it really scares me. because i am not a forgiving person. i don't deserve God's grace, and not just because i am trying to sound humble. because i really don't deserve his forgiveness as i have not forgiven others.

anyway. those things have grabbed my attention today. i'd love to hear if anyone heard something different than i did in this prayer. my goal is to make my prayers more like this one. i don't want to babble on and on anymore. i want my words to count.

the age old debate

2008-01-04T07:39:00.000-08:00

what is this debate you ask? boxers vs. briefs? doritos vs. lays? dogs vs. cats? blair vs. jeremy?

no,
the age old debate i speak of is tim horton's vs. robin's donuts. to be honest, there really hasn't been much of a debate up until this point. but i'm starting one. the reality of the situation is that tim horton's is much more popular. i had never willingly set foot in a robin's donuts if tim horton's was an option. i was convinced that tim horton's coffee was better and robin's donuts was fit for hobos and people like dave turner.

the reality is much different.
tim horton's has longer lineups, both inside and in the drive thru. they have worse selection of donuts. if you disagree, just try the ghostbuster from robin's and then tell me you disagree. robin's donuts has a longer list of positives than does tim horton's. for one, the aforementioned ghostbuster. second, short lineups. and the clincher, there coffee is certified organic fair trade. now before you tune me out thinking i'm some hippy spiritualist who wants to save the planet (which i am but that is besides the point), hear me out. it is amazing to me that a business like this, who is already clearly trailing in the polls behind tim horton's would take a chance on fair trade coffee. for those that don't know, that means that a farmer has been paid a fair wage for his work and his coffee. and not just a canadian or american farmer. typically someone from a more destitute situation in africa or south america. now i don't claim to be an expert on the ins and outs of fair trade, but the fact that a corporation would throw their weight behind something like this means i will give them my business. i may just be one person, but i have shifted alliances from the popular to the underdog, and i hope more will do the same. it may not seem like a big thing. and the reality is that even though tim horton's is more popular, robin's donuts is still a big corporation that makes lots of money. but i will support a corporation that is trying to do something good for the world before i support one just for the sake of drinking coffee. there are more important things in the world than tim horton's. that may be blasphemy in canada, and i may stand alone, but i will gladly do so if it means some farmers in bolivia get to feed there family and make a living. thanks for listening.

back in some shade of black...more like purple or a dark mahogany

2008-01-03T10:36:00.000-08:00

where to begin.
much has happened in my time away. most of you know the details, but for those that don't, here you go.

i finished school, worked several jobs, struggled in my walk with God, and ate some good food. that pretty much sums up most of my life up to this point. but now that we are at this point, let me point out that the point of what i'm trying to say is that things are different at this point in my life. point taken?

i'm a youth pastor now. minister? preacher? baptizer? i don't really know what the proper term is. but i've been hired on by my home congregation of Glen Elm Church of Christ to take care of the kids in our Church and community. it's an amazing opportunity and i am thrilled that they have decided to take a chance on me. i don't really know what it means to be a pastor. i mean, i picture preachers and pastors as innocent and pure, kind of like the lamb that Jesus always holds in those paintings of gentle Jesus that make us feel warm and fuzzy. but that's not me. and that's not reality anyway. just some warped picture i have in my mind of what a pastor is supposed to look like. maybe it's because jason is so warm and cuddly. so i've been told. i am the same guy i was last week, month and year. that is both good and bad. mostly bad. good because i think i have some fresh ideas for how this job can be done. bad because i'm kind of a schmuck. win-lose. again, mostly lose.

i don't want to just be another youth pastor. to be honest, i look at most youth ministry that's going on and want to gag. most youth ministries are based more around the anxiety of adults than they are on the needs of children. look at me, talking like i have a clue...that is a gross over-generalization, but i don't care because this is my blog. so often we tell kids what we think they need to hear but take little time to listen. i want to do more than just provide activities that keep kids out of trouble. i want to do more than just be mr. cool to all the kids. you know the one. that guy who drives the cool car, with the cool hair cut and is hip on all the lingo. i may be hip on all the lingo, but i don't have a cool haircut, and i don't consider grand ams that cool. i don't really know what i'm trying to say. i just want this to mean something. i want it to be about the kids. i want them to feel valued, safe, and respected and like they matter to the church, not that we are just trying to reign them in. that's why i'm excited about being here. this won't be just another youth ministry because glen elm is more than just another church. they love their kids as much as i do, and i have high hopes and dreams for the future.

all that babble is to say i'm glad to be back. and i'm excited about life for the first time in ages. thank you God for second chances and giving clowns like me the chance to work in your kingdom. amen to that sista.

"i'm here for a good time, not a long time, so have a good time, and..." something else i can't remember

2007-09-09T20:16:00.001-07:00

it's been ages and i won't bore you with the minor details. life is plugging along one day at a time. my family is great and holds me together every day. i don't know how often i will continue to do this as i have a lack of internet access and little time if i did.

but i miss this. i miss sharing with you guys and reading about what's going on in your lives. it felt at the time like it meant something. like it was something important and beautiful. maybe i am just a loser with no friends and the internet blog roll is my only crew to depend on other than melissa and makena. but it meant something to me, and still does even though i feel somewhat disconnected now. it felt like a family, the way it should be. people from all walks of life coming together to share joys and sorrows, thoughts and struggles, love and frustration, and our joint hate of the calgary stampeders. okay, i added that one in. i may be the only one for that. anyway, i miss you guys. i will try and check in once in a while and maybe someday i will be a part of this family from a distance. i just wanted to take this opportunity to give y'all a shout out and a big fat screw you to henry burris and the stamps. take care and much love.

peace. blair.

lunchtime

2007-05-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

i decided to crawl out of the hole i've been in for the last month or so and let you know what's up. it won't make sense because i have a million different thoughts taking me in as many directions as i try to keep my head on straight and take each day one at a time.

graduation was a little surreal to me. it felt like a dream that didn't really matter. afterwards, i felt as if any security i had for the past 8 months fell away and now reality was sinking in. looking for work has always been something that i hated doing and i had kind of naively hoped that something would just fall into my lap, some magic job that would keep me entertained for the rest of my life. instead i ended up at startek...now for those who know what that is, you'll be laughing at me, or you'll be crying about the terrible memories you have of working there. one or the other. for the rest, it's the call center from hell...but they do have a great starting wage. so i took the job, knowing i would quit as soon as something else came along, which further showed me that i was a dishonest human being, something that i didn't need reminding of. then home depot called and gave me an honest way out. i quit startek and went to my indoctrination classes. you know the ones, where you stare at a computer for 20 hours in 3 days and learn how to do everything and why home depot is the greatest company in the world, and why we must believe that in order to work there, and why i must kill those who work for rona...subliminal messages, they are real. anyway, the computer training wasn't quite enough, and they made me go to a weekend training session, which felt like the biggest waste of my life ever. plus, they forced me to buy steel toe boots before i could do the training. i asked myself why i would need steel toe boots for training. and then the computer desk i was sitting on collapsed. it didn't hit my toes, but if it would have, at least i had boots to save me. and now i'm at home depot and delivering pizza every night that i'm not at home depot and some that i am. this is my first day off in two weeks, and frankly, i feel as if i'm wasting my life. this isn't a knock against those who do these sorts of jobs. in fact, i admire people who work retail, call center, anything where they can be happy doing that. it is amazing to me. one lady named cathy is the most positive, upbeat and kind person in the world. i thought she was faking it at first, but nope. she is just great, and she's happy getting yelled at and ignored by people all day at home depot. i guess all this waste of your time reading this was simply to say that my greatest desire is to be happy where i'm at. i have the greatest family in the world and nothing to be ungrateful for in that respect. in fact, a lightbulb goes on in my head reminding me when i get home every day why life is worth it. but i have these huge dreams, and i'm a whiner and complainer, and i can't be like those people who are happy working at home depot for the rest of their lives. but i know i need to learn that. i need to learn how to be happy where i am. and now i just re-read all of this and realized it doesn't make much sense, but i don't care because i missed our little community we have going on here, and i am happy to connect with you all once more. it's difficult when you don't have a computer and aren't passionate enough about myspace to go to the library everyday. anyone who wants to should give me a call, because the highlights of my day are waking up next to my wife, seeing my beautiful baby girl colour on our kitchen cupboards, and hearing from my friends that i love so much. i have such a great life. don't let me forget this. buy me lunch? i'm not sure why i phrased that last sentence as a question. i guess the real point of all this is, will you buy me lunch?

graduation is saturday and i don't even have a dress yet

2007-04-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

it's crazy that it's almost over. really, life is just starting, but finishing school feels very surreal at the moment. i finished my finals and all my papers, and i have a couple days of calm before the storm. family is coming in for my grad this weekend, and it feels so strange. when my parents asked when it was so they could come, i thought it was strange they would want to come. not cause my parents are jerks. just cause this doesn't feel like it's that important. that sounds bad, because i know it is. maybe when the day comes it will make more sense. this year has been a constant whirlwind. the constant routine of school, work, and sleep feels so comfortable now. it seems normal. but it's not. i can't wait to give more time to my wife and baby girl. i have missed them so much.

now comes the fun part of looking for a job. i had a chance to go to vernon, bc. i had to turn it down, though, because it didn't feel right. the church and people there were awesome. they were so gracious to me in my awkward interview. i just felt like my heart wasn't in that place and it wouldn't be fair to them for me to go there and not have my heart there. now, i am stuck with tim horton's/pizza or something of that variety. maybe construction. maybe directing traffic. maybe directing movies. probably not that last one. i don't know. there are so many jobs out there, but i just happen to want to do something that doesn't hire so much...i guess it's my job to adapt to my situation and not give up on my dreams. i want to work with youth and i would love to do innercity ministry. mostly a combination of both would be the best case scenario. my dreams are big and seem so far down the road, that at this point, what I want to do feels hopeless. i know it's not because i believe God is taking me there. but i can't see the end of the tunnel yet, and it's frustrating. insert spiritual insight here...

anyhow, i am excited to do an earth day gridblog, so join in if you want. the idea is for all of us to write a blog on or around sunday about our view of the earth and what our responsibility is as Christians to take care of it. mostly, take it any direction you want. anyone is welcome to join. much love to those i love, and to those i don't love, well, sorry...i don't love you.

ripped crotches and prayer walks

2007-04-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

i went to the park today. our chapel group wanted to do a prayer walk, so we all piled in cars and drove to the park. the second i got there, my eye caught the playground. some people went there to pray, and i didn't want to disturb them, so i walked a different direction. i walked up a hill trying to get a good view of the park only to see piles of garbage on the other side. welcome to regina. i love it here. i walked through the garbage and made my way to the riverbank. i just wanted to sit down, but the ground was wet. i think people in the park wondered why there was a bunch of college age kids walking in separate directions around the park. prayer walks must look pretty strange to the world, i imagine. i have trouble multi-tasking, so walking without falling was my accomplishment of the day. walking and praying could have brought about disastrous results. although, i'm sure God would have rescued me from my clumsiness. after all, i would have been praying...

but lately i've been trying to figure out this whole relationship with God thing. i suck at worship. i suck at prayer. i suck at meditation. i'm really good at watching hockey. i don't know if that qualifies as a relationship with God or not. maybe God stayed up until 1:30 am to watch the Sedin twins finish off the stars. i was walking around this park trying not to fake it. i don't want to look all holy to the world and people around me but inside be thinking about how i really need new pants because i'm getting too fat for the ones i'm wearing, and i ripped the crotch in my other good pair last week. who thought of the word crotch anyway? that's a wierd one. i shouldn't worry so much what other people think. i just don't want to be fake. i don't want to be fake to them, or to God. i want to be real. really real. i don't know what that means, but i want to be it anyway. so much of this world is fake. we put on masks and phony fronts and act as if everything is great when we are falling apart inside. i have a tendency to do the opposite. everything in my life is great, but i stub my toe and my life falls apart. two different things, but the same idea.

i found myself back at the park, and people were still praying and being quiet, but a kid had made his way onto the playground with his mom. i sat down and watched him play and use his imagination to pretend he was in a giant fortress fighting off the alien race that was trying to beat him at pokemon. or something like that...i really wanted to go play with him. i thought about it, though, and worried that his mom might think i was some wierd creep. but then i thought, who cares. i want to play. i'm sick of being someone i'm not. i'm not going to sit here and pretend to be all contemplative when really i just want to go down the slide. by the time i decided to go and play, the kid had gone, but most of the college kids had gathered around and were getting ready to leave. i walked up the stairs and went down the slide, getting dirt and snow down my pants. i went up again and noticed a couple other people walking up to the playground. i told someone i could beat them in a racing game that was built into the structure. i did the whole na na na na boo boo, just to complete the feeling of being a child again. they beat me good. curse you, aimee lydiate! then the teachers came up and we started having a snowball fight. the snow was mostly like ice, so it was probably a bad idea, but uncle blair and stan started it. who was i to deny them their challenge? people jumped on the swings and started goofing off. for a second it felt like nobody had their mask on.

this has no real point, except for i had a fun time on the slide this morning. i think i put on masks too much and pretend to be something i'm not. really, though, i just want to play on the slide and have a snowball fight.

there's a song in my heart and i got to let it out

2007-04-10T09:29:00.000-07:00

i hate singing. i don't know why.

i was hugh the dragon slayer in our 5th grade musical. it was the lead role and i had three solos. i was the king of the castle for sure back then. i even sang a love song to a girl. that was awkward. seriously, i didn't even love her. back then, i loved singing and thought i was going to form the next new kids on the block. i'm not sure where that changed. i think as i grew up, i got too concerned with appearing cool, and cause i wasn't a christian, it wouldn't be very cool to sing in church or chapel. after all, how would i have gotten all the ladies?

fast forward to now. i'm a christian, but i still hate singing. i used to say it was the old hymns that i couldn't stand. but then chris tomlin started to make me gag as well, and i realized that i just don't like singing. i could scream in a band, and i liked listening to people sing in bands, but for some reason this whole notion of singing as worship to God didn't make sense to me. well, it made sense, but i couldn't do it. i think it's easy for those who love singing to implement that into worshipping God. i have lots of trouble doing that, though, since i don't like singing in the first place. i have two questions, with some sub-questions attached...

1. for those of you that love worshipping God through song, how do you make it more than just music? how do you really mean the words you are singing to God without just being concerned with staying on tune?

2. for those in the same boat as me, how do you worship God? do you just sing anyway, or in what ways have you learned to worship God?

hopefully some of you want to share. i think singing is a beautiful act of worship, but i also think that worship of God has to be so much bigger. i'd love any thoughts you guys might have to help a chump like me grow closer to God. dankushein...

2-9

2007-04-03T18:20:00.000-07:00

2-9 is my official record as goal keeper now. we won our last regular season game last night and have playoffs next week. the score was 2-1, and i would have had a shutout, except for i kicked the ball out of our end with all my might...and it went off the other teams player and in the net. it's a shutout in my mind. i'm waiting on the call from arsenal, or at least team canada...

i'm in the crunch time right now for school. in other words, i'm doing so many crunches right now. you should feel my abs. it's been a strange year and the closer i get to having to find a job, the more i start to panic and stress...i know i shouldn't, but that's easier to say than to actually do. anyway, if i can get ahead of schedule in the next couple days, maybe i'll write something on here about why i think killing baby puppies is wrong. i mean, seriously. someone has to stand up for baby puppies. with all you monsters out there who think it's okay to kill baby puppies, it's a good thing there are heroes like me to save them. i'm looking at you, goodwin.

peace.

it is easier to act your way into feeling than to feel your way into acting

2007-03-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

do you agree with that statement?

i read that quote a few days ago and now i can't get it out of my head. the reason i can't get it out of my head is because i realized that most of my life i have tried to feel my way into acting. it happens with a variety of things. here are a few examples.

i really feel like my relationship with God would be better if i would just spend more time with him. for some reason, that desire hasn't turned into anything more than just that, a desire. i really feel like fighting poverty and helping the poor. to be honest, i haven't really done much in that area, even though i talk about how much i care about it all the time. i really feel like being a kind person. sounds simple enough, right? but everyday, i find myself glaring at the person who cut me off, ignoring someone i know needs help, taking out frustrations on my family...this list could go on for awhile, so i'll leave it there.

and the list of things that i feel like doing could also go on for a long time. there are so many things that i desire to do or ways that i wish to be, but for some reason, they just haven't happened. i say "for some reason" but i really know the reason. the reason is because i just don't do them. i just don't spend time with God. i just don't help the poor as much as i should. i just decide not to be kind to people on a regualr basis.

what does this mean? does it mean that those things aren't really that important to me? i've been kind of scared that that is the case lately. if i really cared about these things, God, the world, my relationships...then they would all be incredible and amazing and i wouldn't have to feel this way anymore because i would have them and my search would be over. but i don't really think that's true. i don't think it means i don't care about them. i think it means i'm lazy. i think it means i'm selfish. i think it means i'm angry. i can still want to be or do something but suck at it. so the problem isn't that i don't really care about these things (and trust me, those things i mentioned were only the first three out of a thousand i could have written). the problem is that i won't act. i'm trying to feel my way into acting when i should just shut up and act. the feeling might not be there. in fact, the feeling will probably never be right where i want it. but until i start to act on my hopes, dreams and desires for myself, my family and the world, then i have no hope of ever feeling content. i have no hope of ever feeling like i am doing what i'm supposed to be doing.

we should always be striving for something. i don't think our search should ever be over. we should never be content and feel like we have done enough. we can be content with where we are in life, but never with how far we have made it. there is always more that can be done, and so my wish is not to simply be content. my struggles, desires and feeling will never stop. my wish is that i will do the right thing always.

you can't handle the truth

2007-03-21T12:59:00.000-07:00

War On The Periphery

Around the battlements go by
Soldier men against the sky,
Violent lovers, husbands, sons,
Guarding my peaceful life with guns.

My pleasures, how discreet they are!
A little booze, a little car,
Two little children and a wife
Living a small suburban life.

My little children eat my heart;
At seven o'clock we kiss and part
At seven o'clock we meet again;
They eat my heart and grow to men.

I watch their tenderness with fear
While on the battlements I hear
The violent, obedient ones
Guarding my family with guns.

you guys have probably seen "a few good men." we've all heard that famous line a thousand times, "you want the truth? you can't handle the truth!" shouted by military commander, jack nicholson at the ever so dreamy mr. cruise. jackie boy goes on to say "deep down inside you need us on that wall, you want us on that wall, because without us on that wall, you have nothing!" he says this referring to the wall at guantanamo bay to keep an eye on cuba. the whole gist is that his character has done something terribly wrong, and he tries to justify it, saying that without him and what he does, there would be no freedom for any of us. now before you think i'm going to tear the army a new one (although in reality, 99.9% of the army would tear me two new ones before i could tear them half of one...what does that even mean?), i am not going to have my typical anti-war angry young hippie speak. that is good, but i've done it before, and i'm sure your all sick of it. in fact, the reason i'm talking about war and this movie is because i'm actually beginning to wonder if his statement is true. despite all my depely held beliefs about war and violence, i'm wondering whether i am a hypocrite. i am against war, yet it is because of the military that i possess many of the freedoms i so deeply cherish. if i'm being honest, this is true. i can't really deny it. take away the army and what do we have?

we read this poem in our english class this week. i'm wondering what pacifists do with the thoughts that come from this poem. how do i feel about the fact that the reason i have the freedoms i do because there is a military in place to protect our country? i'm someone who will often talk about how i feel that war and violence is wrong in all circumstances. if that's the case, would i accept the option of taking away our military/police force/grandma doing the neighborhood watch with a can of bear mase? how would i protect my family? it's easy for me to sit here and think i know everything, but for some reason, i can't help but shake this feeling that my stance is missing something important. i'm not stepping away from pacifism, but i am beginning to question whether i truly am a pacifist, or whether i just don't like war. if i am against war, should i not be against the military? i know we can support our troops but not the war. i know we can because i do. but if i truly believe war is wrong, then shouldn't the military not be in place either?

obviously this is as big hypothetical, as this will most likely never be the case. but i'm wondering what you guys think about this. i'm looking at people like tim mcmillan, who works for the rcmp, and rachel elford, whose husband is in the american military. what do you guys think? what does everyone else think? i don't ever see myself in support of war, but i'm struggling to find something above both options that is in line with God's kingdom. let me know what you think...

first rule: we don't talk about fight club

2007-03-20T10:25:00.001-07:00

first of all, a shout out to my bro ham, 2 minute mark. it was his birthday this past sunday and i think he turned 45 or something like that. congrats and keep rocking like your 28.

i watched fight club this weekend. it's an interesting movie, and i'm not here to recommend it or take it down a notch. i thought it was okay. there's some stuff i don't like, and some stuff that i think was really cool about it. anyway, that's besides the point because there's a line that stuck in my head.

the main character, edward norton, is an insomniac. the way he cures his insomnia is hilarious, i think. he starts going to support groups. and not support groups for insomniacs. he goes to support groups for tuberculosis, infectious diseases, cancer, etc... you name it, he has a support group for it. he goes to these support groups, and in each one, at some point they pair off and hug, cry, sob and hold eachother for support and comfort. this is what he loves to do. he gets it all off his chest and cries and weeps and sobs for as long as he needs to. then he goes home and sleeps like a baby.

at one point, he is talking to some girl who knows what he's doing and she asks him why he does what he does. his answer made me a little uncomfortable.

he said...
"i like going to these places because when people think that your dying, it's the only time they'll really listen to you. every other time, they're just waiting for their turn to speak."

i know it's just a movie, and i know i am probably taking this way too seriously. but i think it's true. yeah, there are some gifted people out there who really know how to listen to other people. i don't, though. most of the time, i am just waiting for my turn to speak. i am the center of my own world, and everyone else is just background noise. i'll nod my head and pretend like i care, but i really don't. sometimes i do, but rarely. unless it is someone i am very, very close to, it is really difficult for me to get my head out of my butt and pay attention to something other than myself. does anyone else struggle with this? we live in a very individualistic society where everything is about me and what I want. we are taught to be consumers and buy the things that will benefit me and make our individual lives comfortable. this has infected our, or at least my, thought and speech in very real ways.

this bleeds into our churches, as well. we all bring our own individual lives to church each sunday and rarely let others in. we become concerned with what we can get out of service, not with what we can give. for a long time, i didn't go to church, because i kept telling myself that i didn't get anything out of it. but what if we could all learn to truly listen? just listen to eachother? i guess the reason this hit me so hard is because although it was just a movie, i want our churches to be a place where we truly listen to the needs and hurts and desires and frustration of people everywhere. that statement shouldn't be true, yet i think it is. when people are dying shouldn't be the only time we will listen to them.

i don't know where this rant is going. i don't have a big point to make. i guess i just think if we all became more concerned with the community, not just our churches but our town and cities and countries, more people would feel listened to. i think that would be good.

i am so not eloquent today. i'll try again tomorrow. look for my deep thoughts about "dumb and dumber" coming soon...

colby elfords take on mad cow disease

2007-03-14T18:29:00.000-07:00

i've been away for awhile. both my brain and body are the enemies keeping me from taking the time to write. i have too much homework, and at soccer the other day when i was making spectacular saves that would make nic olson proud, i wrecked my neck. i was mostly bed ridden until today, so here i am sharing my pointless thoughts with you once more.

check that. i'm going to share someone else's thoughts with you and ask you what you think. i'm reading a brilliant book right now by Douglas John Hall called "The Cross In Our Context". i highly recommend that everyone read it. anyway, i don't have time to explain everything about the book, but i just wanted to share some quotes with you that made me stop and re-evaluate some things. check it to wreck it...

"Triumphalism refers to the tendency in all strongly held worldviews, whether religious or secular, to present themselves as full and complete accounts of reality, leaving little if any room for debate or differences of opinion and expecting of their adherents unflinching belief and loyalty. Such a tendency is triumphalistic in the sence that it triumphs-at least in its own self-estimate-over all ignorance, uncertainty, doubt, and incompleteness, as well, of course, as over every other point of view...The only antidote to religious triumphalism is the readiness of communities of faith to permit doubt and self-criticism to play a vital role in the life of faith. Unforunately, it is unusual when a religious faith leaves room for profound questioning of itself on the part of its adherents. Even more rarely does religion actually invite and encourage such questioning. "

maybe it's more obvious that i thought, but do you agree with this? do you believe this is true of the church and its followers? if so, is that okay? do we need to change it? just some thoughts from a man much smarter than i.

spread the frickin gospel

2007-03-14T18:27:00.000-07:00

jason bandura has all his sermons since september posted.
http://jsbandura.wordpress.com/speaking/

do yourself a favor and check each one out. this man has a brilliant way of communicating an important message so chumps like me can understand. it'll do your body good.

to borat, or not to borat?

2007-03-06T18:50:00.000-08:00

my thoughts right now are very scattered, and i have no time to think, let alone organize what i'm thinking, so i'll just let you know what's up with my life.

i had an incredible weekend. visiting with johnny c. was definitely the highlight of the weekend. reading the blog is one thing, but to sit down and chat with such a great guy and good friend was an honour for me. him and his brother did an incredible job at the youth rally this weekend. i felt like such an old man being there, but it was worth it to see them in action. i've never seen someone who can connect with kids the way john can, and if i can be half the man he is, my life will have been well lived. and allen, well, lets just say he laid a whooping on me sunday morning. what he said was so important for me to hear, and for the church to hear. i couldn't possibly paraphrase with my lack of mental capacity what he said in the short time i have. what stood out the most was something along these lines....

"the Church has to emulate it's head, Christ. as the body of Christ, we have to follow the head. if not, we will be flailing everywhere with no direction. "
"the Church needs to be inclusive as Jesus was inclusive. if a prostitue walks into our assembly, she needs to be one of us! if a homosexual couple comes into our Church, they should be part of our family. it doesn't make us soft on sin to accept these people. we don't have to be soft on sin. but we do have to love and include the way Jesus did."

al said it much more eloquently than that, but that's what i remember. anyway, honorable mentions were my mother-in-laws sweet cooking, makena's first ponytail(cutest thing ever), hanging out with ike, and seeing jerms sweet face, if only for a brief moment.

p.s.-have i mentioned to any of you that you should pick up the new MEANS cd at any HMV of CDPLUS store? if i haven't, you should. it is equal to or greater than the best thing in the world. much love to you all. i have lots of thoughts, and will hopefully find some time to share them all soon.

you must hear it to believe it

2007-02-27T17:30:00.001-08:00

www.myspace.com/means_music

buy it today at HMV & CDPLUS across canada.
to echo what many others have already told you, buy this even if you don't love hardcore music. these are great guys doing something incredible, and they need all the support their friends can give them. plus, they got way better when they ditched that old loser of a bass player. what was his name again?