why believe?
i have been wrestling with my faith lately.
i don't have some big dramatic life crisis that has brought this about. it's more a state i've felt creeping in on me for a while now. i have a question for all of you. why believe? what is it that makes you believe in God? i have been having trouble answering that question for some time now. i mean, i am not giving up my faith, that will never happen as far as i'm concerned. i think what i'm feeling right now is a dryness. i am feeling parched for just a glimpse of God. it's not that i don't see him at work in my life. he has brought me through some amazing things and given me amazing opportunities, such as working with youth at Glen Elm church right now. such as people of God providing finances for my family when i had none, and had not advertised that fact. God has done amazing things in my life. and for that reason i feel weak. i feel as if i have every reason to believe, yet i am not seeing very clearly right now. and i am in desperate need of vision and eyes that can see. i am having trouble breaking through all the day to day nonsense of the world and being focused on what's truly important. there was a time in my life where i could genuinely look at every person i passed on the street and say that i loved them. that might sound weird, but i grew up being known as a person who cared deeply for people. and for some reason that has been a struggle as well lately. not that i don't love people, but i find myself less sympathetic towards others and more apathetic. and i think the two are intertwined. i know that God is love. and when i felt sure of that, it was easy to love people. now that i am struggling to see God's love in the world, it has become more difficult to love others. and i miss my old self. i feel like i am not who i am supposed to be at this moment. and it's breaking me up inside. i am still happy with my family, my friends, my work. but i feel like life is so much more than what it has been for me lately. i am weak. and i am wondering who out there believes in God, and why?
i don't have some big dramatic life crisis that has brought this about. it's more a state i've felt creeping in on me for a while now. i have a question for all of you. why believe? what is it that makes you believe in God? i have been having trouble answering that question for some time now. i mean, i am not giving up my faith, that will never happen as far as i'm concerned. i think what i'm feeling right now is a dryness. i am feeling parched for just a glimpse of God. it's not that i don't see him at work in my life. he has brought me through some amazing things and given me amazing opportunities, such as working with youth at Glen Elm church right now. such as people of God providing finances for my family when i had none, and had not advertised that fact. God has done amazing things in my life. and for that reason i feel weak. i feel as if i have every reason to believe, yet i am not seeing very clearly right now. and i am in desperate need of vision and eyes that can see. i am having trouble breaking through all the day to day nonsense of the world and being focused on what's truly important. there was a time in my life where i could genuinely look at every person i passed on the street and say that i loved them. that might sound weird, but i grew up being known as a person who cared deeply for people. and for some reason that has been a struggle as well lately. not that i don't love people, but i find myself less sympathetic towards others and more apathetic. and i think the two are intertwined. i know that God is love. and when i felt sure of that, it was easy to love people. now that i am struggling to see God's love in the world, it has become more difficult to love others. and i miss my old self. i feel like i am not who i am supposed to be at this moment. and it's breaking me up inside. i am still happy with my family, my friends, my work. but i feel like life is so much more than what it has been for me lately. i am weak. and i am wondering who out there believes in God, and why?
posted by xblairx @ 10:28 PM
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