we only got 4 minutes to save the world

i'm trying something new as of a couple weeks ago.
i'm becoming a vegetarian. not a hardline vegetarian. not a vegan. i just want to consume less.

i had a revelation a few weeks ago. i realized that i was a consumer. not just a consumer. an over-consumer. a consumption monster if you will. i devour my food. without even thinking about it, really. and i have my entire life. i get a plate of food and enjoy it immensely. i'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. food is meant to be enjoyed. but i found myself on a more regular basis eating until i felt sick, and i was losing that enjoyment. i was losing my appreciation. because when you can eat as much as you want on any given day, you lose your sense of awareness about the world around you. maybe you think i'm being extreme. but when i would find myself staring at a plate of food, i found it difficult to think about those who had none. and i found it difficult to think about sharing my resources. all i found myself thinking about was how i could consume more. how can i get the most out of this food. maybe you don't analyze your food so much, but i do. when i go to eat, i get excited. especially with my meats. i loves my meats. ham, turkey, hotdogs, burgers, steak, chicken, turducken (a ridiculous new invention which has a duck stuffed inside of a turkey. i've never actually tried it and would be ashamed of myself if i ever spent 100 bux to buy such an elaborate waste of food. sorry, i'm not judging you if you have had it, just my thoughts on turducken), etc...anyway, i like to pound my food back like there is no tomorrow. it reminds me of the munchies when you are stoned. you will be having a blast and laughing for hours on end for no particular reason, but the second that food comes into play, there is dead silence. i found myself devoted to my food. not that i have experience with that...awkward pause. just kidding. you all know what a loser i used to be/still am. this is the main reason i am trying to be a vegetarian. i want to consume less. i want to appreciate what i have. i don't want to just mindlessly pound back the food until i can't think.

i say that i am not becoming a hardline vegetarian, because if i come to your home, and you offer me a steak, i won't turn you down. that would defeat the whole purpose. this isn't about meat. this is about mindless consumption and me trying to get a handle on my impulses. so if you see me eating meat with a friend, don't judge me. or go ahead and judge me, but i won't care. relationships are more important than eating habits, so i won't let it get in the way of friendships. but i must stop myself before i start gnawing off my own leg. seriously, it almost happened once on that fateful night in august 04'.