lunchtime

i decided to crawl out of the hole i've been in for the last month or so and let you know what's up. it won't make sense because i have a million different thoughts taking me in as many directions as i try to keep my head on straight and take each day one at a time.

graduation was a little surreal to me. it felt like a dream that didn't really matter. afterwards, i felt as if any security i had for the past 8 months fell away and now reality was sinking in. looking for work has always been something that i hated doing and i had kind of naively hoped that something would just fall into my lap, some magic job that would keep me entertained for the rest of my life. instead i ended up at startek...now for those who know what that is, you'll be laughing at me, or you'll be crying about the terrible memories you have of working there. one or the other. for the rest, it's the call center from hell...but they do have a great starting wage. so i took the job, knowing i would quit as soon as something else came along, which further showed me that i was a dishonest human being, something that i didn't need reminding of. then home depot called and gave me an honest way out. i quit startek and went to my indoctrination classes. you know the ones, where you stare at a computer for 20 hours in 3 days and learn how to do everything and why home depot is the greatest company in the world, and why we must believe that in order to work there, and why i must kill those who work for rona...subliminal messages, they are real. anyway, the computer training wasn't quite enough, and they made me go to a weekend training session, which felt like the biggest waste of my life ever. plus, they forced me to buy steel toe boots before i could do the training. i asked myself why i would need steel toe boots for training. and then the computer desk i was sitting on collapsed. it didn't hit my toes, but if it would have, at least i had boots to save me. and now i'm at home depot and delivering pizza every night that i'm not at home depot and some that i am. this is my first day off in two weeks, and frankly, i feel as if i'm wasting my life. this isn't a knock against those who do these sorts of jobs. in fact, i admire people who work retail, call center, anything where they can be happy doing that. it is amazing to me. one lady named cathy is the most positive, upbeat and kind person in the world. i thought she was faking it at first, but nope. she is just great, and she's happy getting yelled at and ignored by people all day at home depot. i guess all this waste of your time reading this was simply to say that my greatest desire is to be happy where i'm at. i have the greatest family in the world and nothing to be ungrateful for in that respect. in fact, a lightbulb goes on in my head reminding me when i get home every day why life is worth it. but i have these huge dreams, and i'm a whiner and complainer, and i can't be like those people who are happy working at home depot for the rest of their lives. but i know i need to learn that. i need to learn how to be happy where i am. and now i just re-read all of this and realized it doesn't make much sense, but i don't care because i missed our little community we have going on here, and i am happy to connect with you all once more. it's difficult when you don't have a computer and aren't passionate enough about myspace to go to the library everyday. anyone who wants to should give me a call, because the highlights of my day are waking up next to my wife, seeing my beautiful baby girl colour on our kitchen cupboards, and hearing from my friends that i love so much. i have such a great life. don't let me forget this. buy me lunch? i'm not sure why i phrased that last sentence as a question. i guess the real point of all this is, will you buy me lunch?