the best gift i ever got was a punch in the face

a kid told me that today. i thought it was appropriate to how i am feeling this week.

out of the mouth of babes...and i don't mean hot chicks. is that derogatory? probably, but i'm just trying to make a point. and i forget what that is. so never mind.

at this time in this place, i am feeling very sad. people i care about seem to be hurting all over. melissa's grandma katherina, the toughest woman i've ever met, is knocking on death's door. she had bowel cancer. then a week before her surgery she had a heart attack. she is 92, and to weak for them to do much but make her comfortable. melissa was very close to her. she loves her very much and it is hard to watch people you love hurt in that way. also, my grandpa peterson has had two strokes in the past month. he is one of the most brilliant, funny men i have ever met in my life. and my grandma sets the bar for loving one another. she cares for people in a way that is unparalleled in this world. it reminds me of my grandpa roberts and the way he cared for my grandma for many years. 

i have always been skeptical of the elderly. i have viewed them as stuck in the past, stubborn, unwilling to move, and poor drivers. the more i see people like these in front of my eyes, the more i realize it is me who is stubborn and obstinate. i have disregarded these people for so long and taken them for granted. and to watch amazing people move on to a new section of their life, free from pain and suffering, it makes me sad to see them go. as selfish as that sounds, it is the truth. in this time and place, where i can't see the afterlife and what it's like, i want to be able to hold on forever and ever, and never let go of these people who have taught me so much, even when i disregarded them. these are the people who have gone before and given me life. for that, i will always be grateful. i look forward to the time we have left, all of us, and i pray that we will not take each other for granted, but see the beauty in each one of us and grab a hold of it and not let go for as long as we can. thank you to those who have gone before me and made me who i am. 

p.s.-go here for an interesting discussion based around thoughts by marcus borg, a brilliant writer and christian thinker.