seeing clearly for the first time

something strange happened this morning.

i went to the rescue mission at 5:30 am to do my regular business. walking in, i saw one of the guys that i always have a good visit with, and who i care a great deal about. i called across the hallway "hey chief!" just to let him know i was happy to see him.

what happened next still feels surreal to me. it may not mean as much to you, but it hit me in the gut and hasn't left me yet. i walked into the dining room where i usually visit with the guys and there were two aboriginal men sitting there, one blind, and one in a wheelchair. i didn't think too much of it at first, but when i walked past i noticed the looks i got from both of them. they were looks of pain, hurt and anger. the blind man asked who i was. i told him, thinking he was just making conversation. he then asked why i had called him that. i had forgotten what i had said in the hallway, so didn't know for sure what he was talking about. when i finally did realize what had happened, i tried my best to explain it to him, thinking in my own mind that it made perfect sense. the more i tried to explain, though, the more i understood i had made a big mistake.

you see, i've always called people "chief". in high school, we had a soccer coach that we called chief. we all thought he was the greatest, and he was. since then, i have used that word to greet any friend that i am happy to see. to me, it is almost a sign of respect. but i had never thought of the implications of my words across cultures before.

little was said for a few moments. i knew the man was not trying to be harsh, but was just genuinely hurt and wanting an explanation. after all, he was blind, and there was no way he could know i was talking to someone else. the man in the wheelchair left the room, and i could tell he was deeply offended by the term. i went to get the blind man, whose name is Raymond, his medication. when we sat down in the office as i found his meds, he explained to me away from everyone else why that hurt him. he had been called that many times in a derogatory way. in fact, he had been called much worse than that by white men, but it brought a feeling of inferiority to him. he said he understood that i meant no hurt towards him, and he told me not to feel bad. he was being very kind, to be honest. he simply encouraged me to be more careful with my words and the way i spoke them. after that, we visited and i feel like we became friends. i didn't get to see the man in the wheelchair after that, so i hope Raymond can explain to him that i was talking to someone down the hall, and not to either of them.

i can't get this out of my head. some would say that they were oversensitive, but i don't think so. in fact, i couldn't believe how kind and gracious Raymond was, when for all he knew i was attacking his race and heritage. he was very gentle and kind to me. he even took me aside in a private room later to explain why it had hurt, rather than scolding or yelling at me in front of other people. he was very generous to forgive, as i have no idea what it feels like to be called a racial slur or a derogatory word. i am looking at my spirit now, and the way i react to others this morning. i feel terrible for what i've done, yet i know that i am forgiven by this man that was deeply hurt by me. how do i react in those situations? furthermore, how do i react in lesser situations where the offense towards me is so menial that it is obvious to anyone that i am overreacting? how generous am i with my words and actions towards others? how about with those that are different than me, unkind to me, or even downright hurtful towards me? what is my response? it has always been to attack. i have always made it my goal to have the final say, the last laugh, or the finishing jab. it's how i have programmed myself to react.

but what if i could deprogram myself for a moment? what if i could deconstruct that part of myself, and instead become more generous and kind in all my actions, even when i am the one being stepped on? what would change about who i am? what would change about those i am in contact with? i know that everything would change. i am very grateful to this man for speaking up and respecting himself and me enough to point out the error of my ways. if not, i may have gone on in this mode of self-destruction that is all too easy to fall into. in fact, i may still fall back into this mode. but today, just today, if i can re-evaluate who i am and how i treat those around me, i may get one step closer to the kingdom of God.

this is going to sound like the wrap-up to a sermon, so sorry if you are sick of sermons since it's monday, and you just heard one yesterday. but try and take a look at your life if you can and deconstruct something that you know is unhealthy or wrong. we all have something that gets in our way. i am not a racist, and i know that. but this morning, i have been given an opportunity to drastically change my attitude towards life and those around me. i have been given an opportunity to be more sensitive, to be more generous, to be more loving, open, and genuine with my wife, my classmates, my co-workers and any stranger that i run into on the street. it has been a blessing today to be confronted in this way. i am the one who has truly been blind, while Raymond was the one who could truly see. let's all open our eyes. let's take one step closer to Jesus.


end of sermon.