so good

a letter to stephen harper

first, stephen harper, you broke the law you brought in to call a premature election. second, nobody from the beginning thought anything would change as far as minority/majority/new government goes. you were given a minority 2.5 years ago for a reason. third, you spent 300 million dollars of our money to end up right back where we started. i think you called it "an increased mandate" because you won a few more seats. politicians are so good at spin. you can take crap and make it look like gold. you'll even give it a cool name like 'crold'. an increased mandate would be a majority government.

the reason people gave you a few more seats was because they are tired of elections every two years. they are tired of politicians acting like kindergarten children. they are tired of attack ads. they are tired of broken promises, however trivial you might think they are. they are tired of fighting for something positive and receiving nothing more than petty bickering and plain stupidity from all the parties.

they are just plain tired. we are tired. i am tired.

it's not just you, and i know that. it's our whole system. it's all of the parties. we're broken. and the media wonders why we had our lowest voter turnout, 59%, in our country's history. i wonder... it's not too hard to see. we are tired. and not everyone is tired of you. i am, but not everyone is, or you wouldn't be running the minority government right now. but i'm asking you one favor. make this work. for the good of our country.

minority governments are a good thing. but it was dishonest of you to call an election when no one was willing to topple your government. it was dishonest and manipulative. just because you think it might be an opportune time to possibly get a majority, which few believed you had a possibility of getting. and part of me feels like you knew it, too. part of me feels like you knew you wouldn't get a majority, but simply called one now because you know no other party will have the guts to call an election for at least another 2 years. at least this way you can hold on to this little bit of power you do have. and you knew it. and you wasted our money. and you wasted our time. and for that i am upset with you.

but we are where we are. we can't change the past. i don't believe you would do anything different if you could do it over again, except maybe cater to quebec more. but please make this work. for the sake of our country. for the sake of a new generation of voters coming of age. don't let them get disillusioned the same way we all are now. show them that government can work. show them that this all matters in the big scheme of things. and that people can work together to make our country and world a better place. show them. i believe you can do it. after all, you are running our country, so you are a smart person surrounded by some of the smartest people our country has to offer (although, sometimes i wonder...). make our country worth believing in again. drop the partisanship. be the bigger man. the liberals and ndp won't because they are opposition, and it's their job to attack you. be the bigger man. make this country work. i'm begging you. because i am tired. i'm tired of hoping for better and getting more of the same. i will give you my vote of confidence right now. we are where we are, and i can't change that. so i will help you as a citizen of this country make things right again. you let me know what you need me to do.

but don't split our country more than it is already just because you have a grasp on power for a couple more years. please don't. politics has become a joke, and my hope is that you can make us respect politicians again. make this country a better place. please. for you, me, the rich, the poor, the middle class, and for my kids. thanks for listening. after all, i am assuming you do read my blog everyday.

Prayer of Thomas Merton

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and will never leave me to face my perils alone.

this prayer beautifully describes where i'm at right now. i don't know where i'm going, and my relationship with God feels dead, but i do feel that desire. and i pray that that is enough to lead me through this dry and desolate place. it is a heartbeat. and for that i am thankful today.

come to me all who are weary and have a few dollars to put in the collection plate...

the prosperity gospel at work. give me a break...

moments

the music makes me smile,
but something says it won't last.
the name on the phone tells me the moment has come.
the tears tell me what i don't want to believe.
speechless, broken, afraid, desperate.

on the longest road i've traveled
small talk and cheap laughs
hold us close together at this moment.
and i know the mask must come off soon.
the road brings me closer to my greatest fear.

the fear of being alone.

cigarettes and tears
were never meant for each other,
but they are all that sustains in this moment.
the excruciating, the dreadful, the unfamiliar,
and through it all we know there's a light.

we just can't see it yet.
so we will continue searching,
fumbling in this dark corner for something real.
when it will all make sense.
will we ever find that moment? when?

a tale of two souls.

one man was a devoted husband, loving father, and worked hard to see social change and make a difference in the world. he was a follower of God. he lost everything. his whole world crumbled. did he deserve what happened to him?

the other was a disturbed man who committed heinous acts and paid the price by being placed in prison. he had no wife, children, but was a follower of God. his entire world crumbled as well, as he took his own life. did he deserve what happened to him?

we have all fallen short of the glory of God. i think the problem is that we are asking the wrong question. when something bad happens to a great person, we think they did not deserve what has befallen them. and i would agree. when something bad happens to a bad person, we think they got exactly what they deserved. i have felt that way before, as ashamed as i am to admit it. the answers we get from this question are fairly obvious. but the problem is that we are asking the wrong question in these situations. our minds have become so twisted and warped that we care more about "just desserts" than people. i'm tired of hearing hatred spewed forth from the mouth of Christians who claim to have the love of God in them. "He got what he deserved." "He was a good Christian, he didn't deserve that," insinuating that someone who isn't a Christian or that someone who has "fallen" would deserve it. the problem is we have been asking the wrong questions for too long now. it's not about who deserves what. it's about whether we believe in God's grace.

do we believe God's grace can bring healing to the broken man who has followed Him faithfully and lost everything? i do. do we believe God's grace can bring healing to the criminal who is at the end of his rope with nowhere to turn? i do. Jesus said so to the man nailed next to him on the cross. the question is, do we believe in God's grace? it's not, 'are we getting what we deserve?' somewhere along this twisted path we follow in 21st century north america, we have started to ask the wrong questions. is God's grace real? if we believe that, is it real for a select few, or do we believe that God's grace is true for everyone. i believe God's grace can bring healing to the most heinous of people. after all, his grace brought healing for me. and it did for the criminal. and it does for the murderer. and it does for the faithful follower. God's grace has to be so much bigger than what we in the church have imagined it to be. otherwise, what's so exciting about this "good news" we keep talking about? good news as i hear it put forth from Christians today isn't that good, in my opinion. do we believe Jesus saves? do we really believe that? and do we believe he saves even those who are different than us? on the other end of the spectrum? we are too narrow. and we need to live what we believe, and show grace and mercy to the least of these. because i am the least of these and God has shown grace to me. why would we not do the same? are we better than God? any rational person would say no, so why do we act like we are too good to forgive and show grace, while God is overflowing with forgiveness and grace? why? we better start thinking of an answer. because i think we have gotten off the narrow road and onto the wide path. we are heading for destruction with our hatred, spite, and malice. most of Jesus harshest criticisms in scripture were to the religious leaders of the day. and i believe they apply to us. we must take heed.

please notice that throughout, i said we, and not you. i am in the same place you are.