intentions

i was reminded this morning that good intentions don't count for much if you hurt someone in order to accomplish your goals.

i erased an earlier post because of how it hurt someone, and i apologize sincerely for that. without getting into the specific post, i still want to have the same discussion about fighting injustice in our world. where do you see injustice? where do you see justice? what are you doing about the injustice you see? please share your answers to any or all of these questions. we need to fight for a better world, and discussion won't make that happen. but it is a good place to start.

highlight of the day

my highlight of the day thus far...

a buddy in youth crew this morning playing hangman by himself.

that's tricky. it's a win-win situation, really

this insignificance is real

i don't really know how to feel right now. i should feel great. i've had some great visits with some great friends i haven't seen in ages. my family is awesome. makena learned how to say i love you, which is the best thing i have ever heard in my life. the job is going great. i've gotten to hang out with some great kids and the things i'm doing with them are going really great. life is good. 

but i have a sick feeling in my gut. i feel discontented with the way things are right now. which is okay. i have learned over the years that this feeling usually spawns something new and exciting in my life. but there is something brewing inside of me that feels important. not just a new thought or some insignificant detail. but something real. something that is about to rip me open and turn me inside out. the feeling is familiar yet strange at the same time. i haven't experienced it in awhile. and i don't know what to make of it. it is masking as unhappiness, but when i evaluate my life i have no reason to be unhappy. i have every reason for joy and peace. 

and maybe that's the reason. i believe whenever we get most comfortable is when we get torn from that place and pushed into the unknown. and i'm being pushed. settling into this line of work i'm in, it would be so easy to just settle in. do a few bible studies a week and call it a day. but i believe there is something so much bigger for these kids. and i need to be a part of that because i need to grow as much or more than they do. youth ministry is such a strange thing. i don't know what it means. a few friends bug me and call me their pastor now. how do i be a pastor? there are so many that have gone before me and done it in so many different ways. some have been outstanding and others less then enthusiastic. i know what i don't want to become. i don't want to be just another tired youth minister trying to get by. i want to be so much more. i want our church to mean so much more to our kids. i want our kids to mean so much more to our church. i want our church & our kids to mean so much more to our world. i want everything to change. i want something so big that i feel overwhelmed and tired just thinking about it. but i can't give it up. i can't ignore it. and if you see me doing so, slap me on the mouth. i am tired of wasting away and waiting for things to change. i am tired of being an idealist with no real value. 

that was a rant and a half. re-reading it, it makes little sense, but maybe that's what it's supposed to be. if i try to make too much sense of it, it will become insignificant. 

another reminder

"But seek first his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

-Matthew 6:33

"You have heard that it was said 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven."

-Matthew 5:42-45

perhaps a reminder to both myself and my friend from this morning.

reminder

this morning reminded me of everything i hate about "christianity."

notice the parntheses around the word because i am speaking of christianity as it's come to be known, not as it should be. i don't claim to have the answers to how it should be. but i know it shouldn't be this way.

to be honest, i don't even want to explain why. i will come across just as judgmental as the person i am frustrated with. but to make a long story short, it ended with someone explaining to a group of people how the gay lifestyle was against God and how speaking out against it was spreading the gospel. i didn't realize the gospel of Jesus Christ, the good news of Jesus Christ, the most important message our world will ever hear, was "DON'T BE GAY!". i was unaware of that fact. now i am aware. and frustrated. 

what gives one person the right to claim superiority over another? haven't we all fallen short? the obvious answer to that question is yes. yet we continue in this path of hatred and disgust with the unfamiliar and unknown. and i'm not here to debate whether being gay is right. that won't solve anything, and that is not the point. i don't even know what the point is. maybe you can tell me. i am just so fed up with the way things are. i am so tired of just settling for a lesser version of christianity because it allows us to feel superior and comfortable. i know i am pushing the line here, because the reality of the situation is that i am close to feeling superior to that man who said these things because i think he is an idiot. which is a  little hypocritical because this post is supposed to be refuting that attitude. but there it is. i would rather admit my shortcomings than claim i am holier than thou. i don't know what the answer is. but i am tired of sitting by and saying nothing when i hear these things. in one way, the man was right. we do need to stand up for what is right. but if being right gets in the way of loving a child of God, then i am more than willing to throw my "rightness" into the trash. 

i don't expect anyone to dive into this conversation. i know it's a little on the edge of reason. just like bridget jone's diary was. 

alright, i have successfully closed with a terrible pop culture joke. i can leave now.

This, then, is how you should pray:

"Our Father in Heaven.

Hallowed be your name.

Your Kingdom come,

your will be done

on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our debts,

as we have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one."

as you can see, i am officially making the transition from layperson to pastor overlord. quoting scripture and analysing it for all to see is official pastor business. or so i've heard. 

i have recently come to love this prayer. i don't really have much to say, as i'm sure most of you have heard it over-analysed a million times before and have your own favorite parts about it. but here are a few of mine that have recently struck me going over this prayer.

1. it is simple. how often do we pray prayers this simple? when i pray, whether in public or private, i feel the need to speak many works and explain the complexity of my life to God. when i pray in private, this stems from my own insecurity rather than necessity. i feel unworthy and therefore have to explain to God why He should listen. maybe most of you are beyond me in this area. i hope so. maybe instead of being like the pharisees and speaking many words and lengthy prayers in public so people think i am so spiritual, i should take a cue from Jesus. pray His prayer. after all, it shows an incredible lack of trust in God if we think He doesn't know what we need. keep it simple and take time to listen rather than speaking a million words a minute.

2. "Your Kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven."

when we pray this, what are we really praying? it's been easy for me to skip over this statement in the past and not really examine this. but this statement is really a request for God to make His Kingdom a reality in my life. it is not just a run of the mill request for God to do something in the world while we stand idly by. this is a request for God to mould me and shape me and make me a member of His Kingdom. this prayer is really saying that my deepest wish is that your kingdom will come, God, and I want what you want for this earth. so if i sit around and do nothing to further God's Kingdom, can i really pray this prayer? i don't think so. God's Kingdom is here and now. it is simply a matter of whether we choose to enter it and make a difference for God. if we are not in tune with God and His work in this world, then we have little hope of ever seeing His Kingdom although it is all around us.

3. "Give us today our daily bread."

sounds simple enough. but do we have enough faith to only pray for enough to get us through the day? we live in a culture that  says we should keep accumulating more and more until we have enough to last us the rest of our lives. even then it is usually not enough. the more you have the more you want. that is a simple truth i have found at work in my life. do i have enough faith to say to God, give me what i need for today, and tomorrow i will ask you again. not usually. although i should, as he has come through for me on more than one occasion. 

4. "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

it's really easy to read the first part of that sentence and leave out the rest. every time i pray, i ask for God's forgiveness. that in itself is not a bad thing. we need God's forgiveness. but how often do we relate that request to how much we have forgiven others. i hold so many grudges i lose track of them. then one day months or years down the road, i remember the offense against me and get mad all over again. ps, it was my petition dave, you jerk. ha. do we really believe that our forgiveness is related to how much we forgive others. that kind of scares me. no, it really scares me. because i am not a forgiving person. i don't deserve God's grace, and not just because i am trying to sound humble. because i really don't deserve his forgiveness as i have not forgiven others. 

anyway. those things have grabbed my attention today. i'd love to hear if anyone heard something different than i did in this prayer. my goal is to make my prayers more like this one. i don't want to babble on and on anymore. i want my words to count.  

the age old debate

what is this debate you ask? boxers vs. briefs? doritos vs. lays? dogs vs. cats? blair vs. jeremy?

no,
the age old debate i speak of is tim horton's vs. robin's donuts. to be honest, there really hasn't been much of a debate up until this point. but i'm starting one. the reality of the situation is that tim horton's is much more popular. i had never willingly set foot in a robin's donuts if tim horton's was an option. i was convinced that tim horton's coffee was better and robin's donuts was fit for hobos and people like dave turner.

the reality is much different.
tim horton's has longer lineups, both inside and in the drive thru. they have worse selection of donuts. if you disagree, just try the ghostbuster from robin's and then tell me you disagree. robin's donuts has a longer list of positives than does tim horton's. for one, the aforementioned ghostbuster. second, short lineups. and the clincher, there coffee is certified organic fair trade. now before you tune me out thinking i'm some hippy spiritualist who wants to save the planet (which i am but that is besides the point), hear me out. it is amazing to me that a business like this, who is already clearly trailing in the polls behind tim horton's would take a chance on fair trade coffee. for those that don't know, that means that a farmer has been paid a fair wage for his work and his coffee. and not just a canadian or american farmer. typically someone from a more destitute situation in africa or south america. now i don't claim to be an expert on the ins and outs of fair trade, but the fact that a corporation would throw their weight behind something like this means i will give them my business. i may just be one person, but i have shifted alliances from the popular to the underdog, and i hope more will do the same. it may not seem like a big thing. and the reality is that even though tim horton's is more popular, robin's donuts is still a big corporation that makes lots of money. but i will support a corporation that is trying to do something good for the world before i support one just for the sake of drinking coffee. there are more important things in the world than tim horton's. that may be blasphemy in canada, and i may stand alone, but i will gladly do so if it means some farmers in bolivia get to feed there family and make a living. thanks for listening.

back in some shade of black...more like purple or a dark mahogany

where to begin.
much has happened in my time away. most of you know the details, but for those that don't, here you go.

i finished school, worked several jobs, struggled in my walk with God, and ate some good food. that pretty much sums up most of my life up to this point. but now that we are at this point, let me point out that the point of what i'm trying to say is that things are different at this point in my life. point taken?

i'm a youth pastor now. minister? preacher? baptizer? i don't really know what the proper term is. but i've been hired on by my home congregation of Glen Elm Church of Christ to take care of the kids in our Church and community. it's an amazing opportunity and i am thrilled that they have decided to take a chance on me. i don't really know what it means to be a pastor. i mean, i picture preachers and pastors as innocent and pure, kind of like the lamb that Jesus always holds in those paintings of gentle Jesus that make us feel warm and fuzzy. but that's not me. and that's not reality anyway. just some warped picture i have in my mind of what a pastor is supposed to look like. maybe it's because jason is so warm and cuddly. so i've been told. i am the same guy i was last week, month and year. that is both good and bad. mostly bad. good because i think i have some fresh ideas for how this job can be done. bad because i'm kind of a schmuck. win-lose. again, mostly lose.

i don't want to just be another youth pastor. to be honest, i look at most youth ministry that's going on and want to gag. most youth ministries are based more around the anxiety of adults than they are on the needs of children. look at me, talking like i have a clue...that is a gross over-generalization, but i don't care because this is my blog. so often we tell kids what we think they need to hear but take little time to listen. i want to do more than just provide activities that keep kids out of trouble. i want to do more than just be mr. cool to all the kids. you know the one. that guy who drives the cool car, with the cool hair cut and is hip on all the lingo. i may be hip on all the lingo, but i don't have a cool haircut, and i don't consider grand ams that cool. i don't really know what i'm trying to say. i just want this to mean something. i want it to be about the kids. i want them to feel valued, safe, and respected and like they matter to the church, not that we are just trying to reign them in. that's why i'm excited about being here. this won't be just another youth ministry because glen elm is more than just another church. they love their kids as much as i do, and i have high hopes and dreams for the future.

all that babble is to say i'm glad to be back. and i'm excited about life for the first time in ages. thank you God for second chances and giving clowns like me the chance to work in your kingdom. amen to that sista.